I like her but how do I tell her?
One of the best feelings in the world is to fall for another person—this is an objective truth, there’s almost no room to dispute this. Whether it’s her smile, or her laugh, or her personality, or the virtue she radiates, the truth is that you’re smitten! She’s wonderful and you want to tell her how you feel, and you hope that she might feel the same way, and that she might even say yes when you ask her out. Today, I hope to provide a useful blueprint that has allowed me to navigate transitions in the world of dating—particularly when feelings will make it easier to act imprudently. Imprudently not because your feelings are wrong, but because it’s not yet the right time. Yet! That’s the keyword! There will come a time when you can rightly express and show your feelings to that other person and what a joy it will be to have waited.
Before we get to the how-to, let’s start at the beginning. Somewhere along the course of your friendship with this lady, you began to develop feelings for her. Maybe you sit next to her in class, maybe she laughs at your jokes, and maybe she’s been drawn to you. It’s perfectly logical that you would fall for her! Now comes the exciting yet equally nerve-racking part: do I tell her how I feel? What do I say? What words do I use? I have always found it helpful to be patient and think matters through. St. Alphonsus Liguori once said: “We can have no reward without merit, and no merit without patience. The greatest reward is reserved for the most perfect patience.” What a wonderful opportunity to practice patience and prudence! (It’s an awesome opportunity because if you start dating this lady, you will need virtues like patience and prudence to protect her heart!)
Women want a man with courage, so be ready to tell her how you feel in person not behind a screen. Not through a phone call, or a text message, much less Instagram, but in person! That’s real courage! Now that you know what you need to do, you need a plan! Next time you see her—whether it’s school, a birthday party, etc.—be intentional with her and tell her how you feel. No tiptoeing! It will be scary, you will be nervous, but this is a great opportunity to practice the virtue of courage. This test of courage speaks a lot about your feelings for a woman; if you are willing to risk rejection, then that’s a clear indication to the woman that she is worth being pursued!
What if you want to go the extra mile and not only tell her how much she means to you but you want to ask her out on a date? Well, that’s GREAT! Fortunately, the blueprint still holds and the same steps apply: it must be in person, you must be intentional, and you must have a plan. Have specifics! Don’t tell this wonderful woman, “Hey, do you want to hang out sometime?” No, that’s not good enough!! You can do better!! You may ask what about: “Hey, do you want to go out on a date sometime?” That’s not bad, but you can do better! You are a creative man—I know this because God made you that way. Think of an idea for a date, have the time and location ready and include that in your question so that when the time comes, you can confidently ask her “Hey, I really enjoy spending time with you and would love to take you out, on a date, next Saturday at 8:00 PM to the Cheesecake Factory. What do you say?” Now that’s intentionality, wouldn’t you agree?
If you think I’m being too harsh, it’s only because I know you are willing to risk rejection for that wonderful woman that could one day be your girlfriend! Don’t let fear get in the way; nervousness is normal and a sign that you are willing to be courageous. Good luck!
