Someone Love Me! Is It Wrong To Want To Be Noticed Or Loved?

What is your deepest desire? You might think it’s being rich or to be a celebrity, to live at the beach or travel the world. These are not bad things to desire, but a little deeper in every human heart is a desire to be loved. And at times, we don’t get the love we deserve or we want. So is it ok to seek out love and affirmation?

Take the innocence of a child— 

“Hey mom, Can I have a LEGO set for my birthday?”

*gets LEGO set from mom on birthday* 

“Mom, look what I got!”

“Look what I did! I did that all by myself!”     

Think about that last part of that scenario. We want to accomplish things alone so that we can get praise from others. We want to be alone now, so we can feel the love of others later.   Unknowingly, a child, in his or her innocence wants to be alone so he can feel seen by someone! All of us desire affirmation from whoever we look up to. Let’s look closer at this need for love.

1. Why as humans do we have a desire to be loved? We are always trying to gain others love.  Most people are happiest when they feel loved. However, in our flawed nature we many times perceive conditions around love. “Mom (or dad) will only be proud if I don’t ask for help!”  “I’m only going to be seen as a strong independent woman if I open the door for myself!” We put others’ love in a box and feel as though we need to earn love.
2. Is it wrong to desire affirmation? Stepping out of our comfort zone is a good thing, and affirmation can help encourage us to keep doing it! For example, let’s say you cook a meal for your friends and you have never tried making it before….you wait with bated breath to see if they like it! Some may affirm you with a word of acknowledgement, others will go back for seconds, and others by savoring every bite!   It is a good thing to want affirmation, not to inflate your ego, but to confirm that stepping out of your comfort zone was the right thing to do!  
3. I wasn’t affirmed, what gives?!? The desire to be loved is wired in all of us but to love is a choice. You may feel so strongly that you need to be loved, but somebody else is not catching on. It is not easy to know when others need love because it is not always very obvious. This is where trust comes into play. If you need some love and are waiting for it, I have a few pieces of advice! 

• Do not fall for the temptation that because no one said that they love you, that nobody does. That is a lie.
• Practice asking for affirmation. If you need it, and nobody is giving it, humble yourself and ask for love. It does not make the love any less real just because you asked for it. For example, just because you asked for a LEGO set for your birthday doesn’t mean it’s not a real LEGO set when you get it. It simply is not a surprise.
• You crave love? So do those around you! Try to be selfless with your love and sacrifice your desires so that others may receive love too.  
• Don’t let your desire for love lead you to despair when those around you fail to love you perfectly.

If you desire to be loved, that’s a beautiful and natural thing! It is ok to ask for affirmation and genuine love!  And if someone fails to love you, don’t stop loving them! In fact, you might try to love them even more, because we all need love more than we know.