Reality Check

Have you ever walked out of a movie theater feeling like you don’t know where you are anymore? It’s pretty confusing! You’re suddenly thrown back into the real world with no way to process all the images and emotions you just experienced. Usually that makes me want to just go home and take a nap or stare at the floor until I have my bearings again! 

All of us need time to process what we experience. Whether it’s for simple events or conversations, a movie, or some real wounds, processing is what integrates our emotions and experiences back into our everyday lives. It helps us heal, learn more about ourselves, and have a sense of ownership and peace over our lives. It also keeps us from getting thrown back into past traumatic experiences when we get triggered. No matter who we are, processing is something that keeps us mentally and emotionally healthy! Two of the main things that keep us from processing experiences well, though, are judging our emotions or inhibiting them. 

We all know what it’s like to judge our own hearts: “I shouldn’t be feeling this way!”, “Why am I so sensitive?!”, “I should have ___” The list can go on forever. When we condemn ourselves for what we’re feeling, we aren’t really giving ourselves what we need. In fact, we’re only putting roadblocks on our path to healing. But I think the important thing to remember is that we do this because we want to be good. We want to love and to be the best person we can be. Our desire behind our hurtful judgement is actually so GOOD. Knowing this can help us have a lot of grace with ourselves instead of beat ourselves up. When we catch ourselves condemning our emotions, we can actually respond by acknowledging that we just want to be good. Then we can take it from there and begin to address the emotions in a healthier way.

The other roadblock is when we try to inhibit our emotions or distract ourselves from them. Our culture often copes with our fast-paced, overwhelming lives by pulling out the phone and scrolling. It can be comforting! When we’re bored, lonely, or feel like we have no idea how to handle something, distracting ourselves from what we feel can make it seem as if it’s all going away. Whether we turn to Netflix, alcohol, or social media, we sometimes consume a lot to try and feel at-ease. The only problem, though, is that the issue doesn’t always go away. Since we didn’t really process or heal from what happened, we can still stay stuck in it. Sometimes it makes us keep consuming those escapes like medicine. Now I’m not saying that watching TV or enjoying a glass of wine with friends is bad, but I am saying that we can be in love with real life whether we have those distractions or not!

“Living in the real world” often has a bad rep. People have cynically told me that “life isn’t always fun and games!” or “you can’t live with rose-colored glasses all the time”. I get that; they probably think I’m being naïve. And “living in the real word” does mean that life isn’t perfect. But true joy can still exist! We always have reason to hope. Yes, it takes true courage to confront reality or even ask for help. But it also takes true courage to trust that Love prevails over all. As St. Paul says: “It always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.” 

Here’s a few tips that can help us live a more integrated life!

1. Rest! How often do we take time for distraction-free rest in between sleeping?
2. If you feel like there’s some wounds you have to work through, there is nothing to be ashamed of in picking up the phone and calling a counselor’s office. This is true courage and has been some of the most valuable experience of people’s lives.
3. There’s a man who said “Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and you will find rest for your souls.” Jesus gives us the open door to unload all of our anxieties and worries unto him. His arms are wide open, ready to receive you. Whether you need to process something, whether you’re happy, sad, lonely, or scared, he is there to be your best friend through it all.