Stepping up the the Plate to Be a Better Brother
I write this coming back home for the first time after several months of mission.
The window on my plane flight home presents to me a cloudy sky lit ablaze by the waning sunset. It’s dramatic and theatrical, much like my writing tone.
Mission life has given me a unique opportunity to reflect upon and appreciate the incredible life God has given me. We’ve been surrounding ourselves with daily reminders of how much God loves us, through our Holy Hours and daily celebration of the Mass, as well as a generally prayerful and uplifting community life. I am surrounded by people on a daily basis who want the very best for me and want to help lead me to God.
In our ministry, we’ve also gone from school to school speaking to our youth about the value and grace of living a virtuous life. We’ve given them example after example of how to build a more charitable and virtuous heart, giving them the catchy slogan of “be 1% better every day”.
In reflection, I’ve noticed that I reverted to talking about my family every time I tried to give an example to the kids on how to practice virtue. I’d find myself unfailingly going to an example of how we can all do a better job of honoring our parents, or being more supportive of our brothers and sisters.
This is for a reason.
God is speaking to me here, as I often find Him doing, in an indirect but undoubtedly clear way.
He is giving me the chance to go back to my family and appreciate His gift up close and personal. I can get away from Abstract Land (a cherished and well-guarded territory of the United States of Cam’s Mind), and go apply what I’ve learned in the humbling real world.
There’s something about family that you can’t find anywhere else. Companionship, support, feeling known– these are just a few of the blessings that can’t be perfectly replicated in the same way as within the family. Family knows you, loves you, and brings you to God in a way that is unique and beautiful.
God made it this way on purpose, and I want to honor that better.
So, as a son and brother that loves my family to the moon and back, here’s how I’m going to do that:
- Focus on appreciating my family… and showing them.
I want to let you guys in on a little secret: your family really likes being affirmed. Shocking, I know. They not only love being told you love them, but they have a need to hear it over and over. Even though we may know when we’re loved, outward expressions of love are crucial to our relationships. When we let our families know how much we love them on a regular basis, we renew our filial commitments of treating them with respect. Lastly, consider this; if you keep telling them you love them, do you think it’ll be easier or harder to be mean to them? The answer is pretty obvious; if you constantly reaffirm your love towards your mom, dad, sister, or brother, you build them up and nurture positive feelings towards them. You create a mini culture of love and positivity right in your own home. It will be SO much harder to hold grudges against them and say things you regret to them. When you do, you’re going to want to apologize and make things right much quicker.
- Be a witness to my faith…by example.
You’ve probably heard this phrase from your parents so much you feel it branded on your frontal lobe: “show, don’t tell”. If you’re like me, it’s driven you absolutely bananas. It’s cliché, but it does have a purpose: people are visual learners when it comes to advice. As other big brothers can almost certainly sympathize, it’s tough to fight off the urge to lecture our siblings every chance we get. God calls us to be leaders and show others the path to a virtuous life. The only problem? Moral lectures, while sometimes helpful, are unfortunately the quickest way to turn people off. Quite the two-sided coin, eh? I’ll leave you with this: lead with words when you know the time is right. Most of the time, though, your siblings will respond to leading by example. Watching other people who set a positive example, unlike a lecture, sets something off within us saying, “What’s my excuse?” We see people intentionally striving to do good and ask, “Why not me?” As brothers, that’s what we want to create within our siblings. Let’s be earnest in all we do and be ready to hear their glory stories. God will not let them down!
- Be a brother with and for others
Like my fellow proud products of the Jesuit Educational Industrial Complex™, I’m a sucker for a good catchphrase. Among a bevy of good ones, my favorite one is “men and women with and for others.” Catchy, isn’t it? Maybe you’ve heard its variant, “men and women for others”. This one isn’t bad, but I think it unfairly omits the “with”. The “with” is crucial for the kind of service God calls us to– especially in the home. Service is about being on the same team as the people you’re helping and leading them, like a shepherd, to God. Yes, you read that right– Jesus didn’t just throw in example after example of farmers and sheep because He thought it would be fun. While I’m sure agrarian morality tales dazzled His imagination as much as ours, He did this for a bigger reason– God wants us to lead others to His family. Notice how God does it; He leads with compassion and mercy. He comes to our level and heals us in our brokenness. We need to do the same with everyone we want to reach and meet them where they are. The Jesuits hammer home this principle –solidarity– like no other. I feel this call enthusiastically as a brother. My role is twofold as a leader and a supporter. I have to be a shoulder to lean on just as much as I need to set a good example for virtue. Ask my sisters whether they best remember the times when I lectured them about something or when I was just there for them… I think you know what answer they’re both going to give you. Sometimes a shoulder to cry on is all my sisters need, and I’m learning that lesson in a big way as I watch them grow and fight the world’s challenges. Rooting them on in their triumphs, consoling them through their pain, and just being there: that’s what brotherhood is all about. It’s never a smooth ride, but if we all give an earnest effort as brothers, we can work miracles and lead our families closer to God!
Our Faith gives a beautiful image of what families are meant to be. Mother, Father, Son, and Daughter all have a unique and important role in the complex and intimate setting of the home. As a brother, I want to do my best to accept this responsibility and support my family all I can. I need to accept that I won’t do this perfectly. Idealism can easily cloud the realities of daily life, and I certainly need to be realistic with my expectations. In the face of this, high standards and a positive attitude (not to mention Faith with a capital F) can go a heck of a long way. We may never achieve perfection, but that will never devalue the nobility of trying!
Let’s go be the brothers God calls us to be!
