How to Break Up With Your Phone and Still Be Friends

You’re out with a friend having a great time and having a really deep conversation.  It’s your turn to speak, but as you’re talking, your friend’s phone suddenly dings. They glance down, looking at the lit up screen,  and before you know it, they’re no longer engaged in the conversation. Fingers flying, they are texting back to the person on their phone. You keep talking, but you know deep down they’re not listening to a thing that you are saying. 

Does this sound familiar to anyone reading this?

Whether or not we like to admit, I think we have all been guilty of being a part of the above scenario, either as the talker or the texter. And let’s be honest and vulnerable – it’s painful to be the one being ignored.

Did you know on average we check our phones up to 100 times a day? Cell phones are such a huge and necessary part of our lives today. It makes sense as to why; a cell phone has the power to connect you to the world. You can look up information, call your friends, watch videos, take videos and pictures. A cell phone can be equally useful as it is fun; you can pull up a map if you’re lost, call your parents if you need help, or even call the police if there is an emergency. It is an extremely powerful tool that is easily storable in our pockets. 

Our culture today seems to be spending more and more time on our phones, claiming addictions to certain apps and to our screens. A huge result and problem that comes from phone and screen addiction is that it removes us from the reality of the world around us. A phone is a useful and great tool, but it is just that. It cannot substitute for the in-person interaction of our friends, the beauty of nature or the experience of life.  We have so many beautiful opportunities to love, listen, taste, hear, see, and interact with the world around us. Opportunities that we may be missing because we are too attached to our phones.

If phones are a necessary and powerful tool, how do we keep it that way? How can we start to disconnect from our phones, and start reconnecting with the world around us? I’ve outlined some ways to start breaking up with our phones below. 

1. Identify what exactly it is that is keeping you on your phone. Social media, texting, games, you name it! It could be any of these things. I myself tend to go down rabbit holes on Wikipedia and YouTube! Once you’ve identified what you’re spending your time on (a screen usage report on your phone may help with this), you can create a game plan from there. 
2. Choose concrete times to have it put away. Lunch time. During class. When you’re out with friends! Reflect and identify areas in your life where you can be more present to the people around you.  And start with small increments of time if you have to!  When I started my journey, I had to start small. Whenever I was riding in a car, I would put my phone away. Those 10 minute car rides helped me get used to being off my phone and I was able to work up to hours, days, and whole weekends. 
3. Involve others in the process. Chances are, you aren’t the only person in your life that needs to put their phone down! Invite your friends to have their phones away as well. I love to go hiking and hate being distracted, so I usually ask to have our phones put away for the hike. Doing so allows us to fully appreciate the nature and conversations around us. You can ask a friend to keep you accountable by holding onto your phone for you, or to call you out if they catch you scrolling on it. Be open and willing to have those conversations, and try it out!
4. Evaluate which apps are important to have on your phone. Maybe social media is your addiction, or games. I went from having multiple pages of games on my phone to none at all, because I realized if they weren’t on my phone, I was not tempted to spend time on them. Simply removing them from my home page or the phone altogether helped cut down how much time I was robotically and mindlessly scrolling through them.
5. Alter how present your phone is in your life. What do I mean by this? Maybe you’re only tempted to look at your phone if the notifications go off, or keep your phone in your room purely as an alarm clock. We have features on our phone, such as ‘silent mode,’ ‘do not disturb,’ and ‘airplane mode’ that can drastically cut down on the distractions from our phone. You can turn off notifications of certain apps so that you are in control of when you check them, not just when you get notifications. Buying an old-fashioned alarm clock can help you keep it out of your room completely, to prevent the late night scrolling. You have so much power and control over how present your phone is; your phone does not have power over you!
6. Invest in other areas of your life. We can sometimes use our phones to escape something in our lives, or simply because we are bored. Cultivate your faith life, deepen your friendships. Find a new hobby, or rediscover your old ones. I recently rediscovered my love of reading – I found myself spending an hour or two not even tempted to look at my phone, because I was so captivated by my book. So find those hobbies and things in life that make you fully alive!
7. Take a break. Sometimes we just need to take a break from something completely, and cut it cold turkey. Be empowered to know that you can always delete an app, deactivate an account, or shut off your phone. 

This will not be a one-and-done activity. It will take time, perseverance, and commitment as it can be a very daunting task. I have the utmost confidence in you, reader!  We are called to be free from all that imprisons us, to be fully present in the moment, to be fully alive!