How am I supposed to choose?!
Do you feel you’re at a crossroads in life? Maybe you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. It can be difficult to make any sort of decision, especially big ones, so intentionality in discernment is key. Here are some things to reflect on that I hope will help you in making the choice!
- What drives our decision making?
I firmly believe that when we are given a choice, we will only choose to make those decisions out of two driving forces: fear or love. Little daily actions as well as major life decisions are rooted in this reality. I personally am an organized person with a futuristic mindset who loves making sure that all logistics are taken care of. So, when making a choice, if the logistics seem impossible, I am tempted to run in the other direction! Or, I might see a situation that seems challenging, requires a bold response, and has the cost of something that I don’t want to give up. Those are moments where I have a choice to make: will I let this fear make my decision for me? No way! It is important for us to be making our decisions out of love, not fear! Love for God and neighbor is always much greater than fear. In fact, love takes fear entirely out of the equation!
“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear…so one who fears is not yet perfect in love” – 1 John 4:18
Practically, I’ve found it helpful to create a chart like this one to help me identify where my heart is coming from for different responses. For example, when discerning whether or not to say “yes” to becoming a missionary for the Culture Project, I filled in the chart and found myself having motivations to say “no” more out of fear and motivations to say “yes” more out of love. Wanting to operate out of love instead of fear, it was an easy and ecstatic “YES!” to follow God’s call to mission
- What should we be striving for in our decisions?
“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” – Matthew 6:21
Think about the difference in the way you feel after watching different types of movies. Scary movies personally lead me to triple check that every door is locked and every window closed. I pray the night prayer a bit more emphatically: Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake; watch over us as we sleep, that awake, we may keep watch with Christ, and asleep, rest in his peace. I know it’s fictional, that I’m safe… but I also make sure to reach out to my Guardian Angel in this creeped-out state. In contrast, a different genre of movie, which I call “eros movies,” result in an entirely different reaction. I feel as if the beauty, truth and goodness of the movie has lifted my soul up towards heaven by the end, which is the sole purpose of eros–one of the four types of love. After one of these movies (my personal favorite is “Pride and Prejudice”), my heart feels like it grew 3 sizes that day, much like the Grinch’s own change in heart. There is naturally a difference between the things of this world, pointing either to heavenly things or worldly things. Our hearts truly do know this difference in the circumstances all around us, and it’s in responding to that knowledge deep within that we make our choice.
When we are discerning a choice, large or small, that “big V” Vocation or “little v” vocation, it’s necessary for us to also identify where our treasure truly lies. Are we putting value in the things of this world, such as money, achievements, vanity, etc., or are we putting value in the things that will ultimately lead us closer to the Lord? Maybe you’re a college senior trying to pick your career for the next year. Are you choosing between money and meaning? Pro tip: money is not the meaning of your life. Maybe you’re choosing between two good things! I invite you to consider: Which one will help you grow in holiness? Which one will help you to share God’s love with your neighbor? Where is the light of Jesus needed, or your unique gifts and voice needed? The treasure of God is meant for all of us, and it’s meant to be shared. Consider that in your discernment for all things. Strive for that.
- Who should we be striving for in our decisions?
Do you know what happens in the 6th chapter of John? Jesus explains the Eucharist, in very clear terms, but because it’s such a hard saying for some of his disciples, they leave. He turns to the 12 apostles and asks, “Do you also want to leave?” Here’s Simon Peter’s response:
“Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.” – John 6:68
The choices we make are not a one-and-done situation. We are not just wandering through life saying “yes” or “no” to many little things. We are called to make our entire life one big “yes” to God Himself. This is what holiness is. We are striving for total union with God our love. We are told over and over again to “Be not afraid!” We cannot even be close to disappointed when we follow the will of the Father, because the greatest outpouring out of love in our lives comes from Him! And so every single day we must be bold in responding like Peter, because to whom else shall we go? I am convinced that Jesus is always the answer to life’s questions! And He is the source of eternal life, that living water we all thirst for!
Only in God lies true satisfaction. So I’ll leave you with this lyric from one of Chris Renzema’s songs: “It is enough to know my God is love.” Is it enough for you to know that God is love? Let it saturate your entire life, and all that you do. When you do that, you can trust your decisions will lead to the fulfillment of your desires.
