Prove Them Wrong
“Men have always been disappointing”
“Men are so stupid and predictable”
“Men truly are stupid”
“Cancel all men”
“Men are trash”
As a man, these comments are hard to read. I found all of these and more after a simple search for “men” on Twitter. Whether posed as a joke or a serious criticism, negativity toward men has clearly become a cultural norm. We as men have lost a lot of faith in our own ability to live in a way that is virtuous and respects others. The numerous examples of bad actions made by men on the public stage have created a blueprint with the lowest of expectations. It’s almost as if we have no other option. The world obviously lacks an experience of true, self-giving masculinity and our role models have shown women that men can’t be trusted.This leaves us with a challenge: prove them wrong.
I speak to middle school and high school boys every day. Trust me when I tell you that nothing motivates young men more than a challenge. Tell any of these guys that they can’t do something and they will make it their life’s mission to prove you wrong. Men are wired to respond to challenges, doubt, and adversity with a vengeance – to view these as opportunities to show what they’re made of. So why not take this energy and put it toward proving that men can be virtuous? If we sit back and complain about the state of the culture, nothing will change. There might be some bad examples of masculinity out there, but we can create a new model. We can be the example of men who put others before themselves.
Most of the tweets and comments I listed above come from a place of hurt. Those who posted them have most likely had bad experiences due to the actions of men in their lives. If they have known mostly men who want to use women and who only care for themselves, it’s no surprise that they view all men negatively. We, as men, have the ability to change this perception, because we choose how we act. We choose whether to uphold the stereotype or to break it. We have so many examples of men who are too weak to act selflessly – let’s make our lives examples of the strength to be selfless.
I believe most of us can recognize that selfishness is not what men are called to. That is not true masculinity. Masculine men make their lives a gift to others especially in times when they must give up things that they want. When we choose to act this way it makes an impression on people – not just on those women who may not believe men are capable of greatness but on those men who do not believe themselves up to the challenge. If we can live our lives not for ourselves but for others, the chain reaction that will follow can restore our culture’s faith in men. This will not be easy. Everything in our culture; movies, music, politics tells us to be selfish. Years of hurt and use cannot be erased from women’s experience. Distrust of the opposite sex runs deep. It is okay for us men to be frustrated by this, especially when we were born into this battle. However, we cannot dwell on our anger or blame the situation we find ourselves in. Again, we are in control over how we respond.
It may seem like the odds are stacked against us, but even the smallest actions make a difference. There have been times where I have held the door open or let someone go before me in line: very small, easy things that were met with surprise. By making even these little parts of our lives a gift we will start to slowly rebuild confidence in men. We will also start to slowly build ourselves into the models of masculinity the world so desperately needs. The next time you have the opportunity to give of yourself for others, no matter how small, take it. None of us can redeem masculinity alone. Ask your brothers for help. We can inspire each other to be the men we are created to be. Ask the women in your life how you may have failed them in the past. This will be hard, but worth it. We cannot grow as men without knowing where we have failed. We each have a bigger influence on others than we realize and we can be the generation known for making sacrifices for others. Clearly there is a lot of work to do and we are not expected to succeed, but I challenge you to join me in proving them wrong.
