Why Won’t He Just Listen?

Have you ever found yourself sharing your problems with a guy and leave more frustrated than before? I certainly have. You start venting a problem to a guy and before you can finish the story he has made a five point plan on how to fix your problem. Girl I don’t know about you, but often times, my problems have more nuanced than a five point plan…And if nothing else, I just wanted to verbally process. So why won’t he just listen? I’m going to share with you four tips I got after sitting down with a couple of men to share my frustrations on this topic.  

Tip #1: Understand his perspective. 

When a guy hears you talking about a problem many times he tries to offer solutions to your problems because he cares about you and wants to help. One man told me, “ If I don’t care, I wouldn’t try to fix it”. When a man tries to offer solutions to your problems many times he’s trying to help. 

Tip # 2: Communicate to him what you need.

As shocking as it may be, men CANNOT read our minds! They aren’t purposefully trying to annoy or upset you. Before you share your story with a guy, consider telling him that by listening to you talk about a problem, he will be helping you fix the problem. 

Tip #3: Know your audience.

If you really just need to verbally process something and you’re confident that a guy can’t listen to you without interjecting advice, maybe save the story for a girlfriend.  God made men and women differently. Hallelujah! Sometimes that means recognizing that we have different strengths. Instead of getting frustrated with him, meet him where he is at. Invite him to grow. Respect the process! 

Tip #4: Give him the benefit of the doubt.

At the end of the day, you want to share with this person because you care about them! Communicate your needs and trust he will respond accordingly. More than likely, he’s not trying to ruin your life or upset you.