Dating Fast: Drawing Closer to Jesus and Your Future Vocation
Have you ever found yourself praying for a future free of suffering, with an abundance of happiness, unending success, and someone special by your side—a significant other—to complete you? Well, fortunately or unfortunately, however you may see this reality, it is simply a fantasy. Frankly, I’ve fallen prey to this temptation—oftentimes knowingly. We knowingly cultivate fantasies in which we escape failure, with the hopes that we will live out this fantasy in the future. The good news is that through a willful disposition to reorient our hearts to the Truth, the Good, and Beauty itself, we can regain a sense of joy, happiness, and peace, in spite of our present sufferings. How? A good first step is through a dating fast.
A dating fast, as the name states, is an intentional mindset in which one freely chooses to refrain—for a certain period of time—from dating with the purpose to draw nearer to God. There are times in our lives where one can fall into the trap of idolizing a significant other, where one incorrectly believes that a relationship will satisfy the endless needs and desires of our hearts. The truth being that these are lies. There is nothing on this earth that will ever satisfy you. Only God can do that. The fallacy in our beliefs is that they fail to consider the spiritual aspect of our lives. Take a look around you. If you’re at a coffee shop, have you stopped and considered that every person in that establishment—the barista, the cashier, the older gentleman, the college students working on their assignments—has an immortal soul who God not only created, but whose only Son was sent to redeem them?
In my life, I have fallen into the temptation of viewing friendships and relationships with a utilitarian, and frankly selfish mindset. I always ask myself—how can he (or she) benefit me? What pleasure can she give me? In the end, it’s always about me. This poses a problem for several reasons. Firstly, how can I love someone (as defined by St. Thomas “to will the good of the other”) if I’m busy trying to see how they can be of value to me? Secondly, how can I ever hope to be a loving husband or father if I put my needs before those God has placed before me to serve? And lastly, how can I ever hope to have a deep and meaningful encounter with God if I am constantly searching for earthly pleasure?
Silver and gold are purified by fire, but God purifies hearts (Proverbs 17:3). A dating fast will purify your heart by calling you deeper into God’s trust. By choosing to focus on the Lord and placing Him back in the center, you can further develop your relationship with Him through virtue.
It is through obedience and prudence that we will grow in holiness and become better prepared for our future vocation; our future mission. Sure, you will probably meet someone amazing on the first day, or seventeenth day, or the last day who you will want to date but you will grow to learn that you can trust God. He wants to show you that you can always trust Him. St. Matthew reminds us: Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Don’t you think if it God’s will for you to marry that person that you will? Why should we be worried—there’s nothing on this earth that can stop God’s will. So remember, when you are tempted to break from your fast, remain obedient, look to your promise and stay true to it. Discern whether certain situations will put you at a disadvantage and encourage you to break your fast, in a word, be prudent.
By spending time with God, you can grow in virtue—not as a result of your own behavior but of grace—which will be essential to your future vocation. After all, every good gift is from God.
