You Didn’t Deserve to be Abused

When I was a child, my mother always told me “If anybody ever touches you inappropriately, you need to tell me”. From that conversation, I at least understood my body was something I needed to safeguard and that it was possible for someone to cross a boundary. I never thought this someone would actually be a person in my life. My body became an object of use to someone I trusted and was entrusted to. I know I am not the only one with this kind of story.

This, this goes out to you who may be living in the darkness of sexual abuse.

The American Psychological Association defines sexual abuse as “ unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent”.Sexual abuse is and will always be dehumanizing. I need to validate your experience, because that is important. You were treated as less than human and that is a wound that may be weighing down on your soul. Maybe this weighing down manifests itself as numbness, sorrow, depression, or disassociation. Your unique experience of abuse is not going to look like anybody else’s.

As a survivor, I want to share with you what has helped me. Please note, I am not a psychologist, all I am doing is speaking from my own experience in hopes that it inspires you to start your journey to healing, because you can heal.

1. Share. I know, I know. This can be so scary because this part of your life can come with a lot of shame. You may be afraid of what people think about you. I get it. You need not be afraid, friend. Share with somebody you trust. Tell them all you need is for them to listen. By sharing prudently you invite that person to walk with you and this can reduce the amount of shame you feel.
2. Therapy. You deserve to heal. God wants to heal you and he has given some people healing gifts like that of psychology. I personally opted to follow through with EMDR therapy as it treated my post-traumatic stress disorder. Part of healing is encountering memories of the experience for the sake of understanding how it has affected your mental health, the perception of your sexuality and body image, and your relationships with others, even God.
3. Deliverance. Whether it is willingly or unwillingly as in the case of sexual abuse, when we experience sexual abuse there is no denying there are spiritual effects. Sexual abuse opens the door to malignant spirits. To break free, you can find a prayer to break “soul ties” between you and the perpetrator. You can also speak to your local church leader for suggestions.
4. Forgiveness. When the time is right, you will need to forgive. Forgiveness may come slowly, that is okay! Your abuser can no longer have control of your life. Forgiveness is about you. It frees you to move on toward the light of hope!

There is no doubt sexual abuse can affect every aspect of our lives. One of which could be your relationship with God. I would like to remind you that it is normal to question why a good God would allow something like this to happen to you. That is normal. The truth is human suffering is a mystery, but we do know God has gifted us, humans, with free will and while your abuser has chosen to use free will to use you like an object, you can use it to love. Unite your suffering to Jesus on the cross, the ultimate source of love. You are worthy of breaking free from the chains of abuse! Believe me, it is possible.