It’s time to throw away the old tape.

There is this habit I got into numerous years ago. It goes a little something like this: a tragic event will occur in my life, I internalize the negative emotions and I sear them to my identity. All of the sudden the same old tape is playing. With a bit of static and white noise, the track begins and it’s me. Or at least it sounds like me and he begins to say, “You are not good enough. You never were. You don’t know how to love and you will never be able to. Those who say they care about you must only pity you, and you are to blame for ruining everything.” Now, I’m walking around frazzled and in a fog asking left and right, “Do you love me?” “Do you really love me?!” And as long as I put that kind of power in anyone’s hands, who are not God’s, I am in for a world of hurt.

Cue the anger, the disappointment, the sadness, the disgust, the anguish, and ultimately the despair. And then the question rises, “Who are you?” By now I’ve clearly forgotten the answer and when I can recall it I don’t believe it. “You are a beloved son of the Father.” “You were created to love and to be loved.” “You are a good creation.” I’m sick of those tapes. I’m sick of believing the lies that Satan so easily whispers in my ear all of the stories I can not bear to hear *Rumor has it starts to play* (thanks Adele for that line). It’s time to stop believing those lies. It’s time to live in the truth that I do know how to love, be it imperfect; to love is to try to learn how to love. The effort itself is already a victory. I wouldn’t be where I am if I did not know how to love. Sure, I have wounds and I still struggle but we all do! We are all trying to make peace with the past so that we don’t continue to mix old wine skins with new wine. We are all trying to learn how to love. That being said, I am no longer who I was. I am who You say I am. I am chosen and not forsaken (thank you Hillsong). I have a “big ol’ heart” just aching to love others, I’ve gotta be patient with myself. I have all that it takes and I’m still gaining more!

I invite you, oh brother or sister of my soul, to adventure with me! Begin by letting go of old wine skins. Then invite the Lord into the places of your life that you deem unredeemable; invite Him into the deepest parts of your shame and watch as He transforms the way you see yourself. Ask Him to reveal you to yourself. Lastly, be patient. Rome wasn’t built in a day and the Jews thought Jesus was crazy because he was going to rebuild the temple in three. Let Him take His time and enjoy the process!