When a Friend Tells You She has had an Abortion
In 1991 a woman was going to walk into a Downtown LA abortion clinic, with her then-husband by her side. He was walking alongside telling her this is the best option for both of them. She had aborted twice before and this third time she thought would be a just as easy and painless solution to the obstacle that kept her from becoming a lawyer and living a life she dreamed for herself. The woman then walked into the abortion clinic, but as she sits down, she can feel a wave of light, her logic, and her truth made it clear. She was pregnant with a 12-week old fetus and she was the only one who could fight for her at the time. Her heart was telling her baby was not a blob of cells, but a human being in development. Her mind was telling her circumstances were not ideal. The woman felt a surge of courage overcome her and she ran away barefoot until she couldn’t look back anymore.
This woman was my mom and I am that baby.
I had been sharing my story differently up until recently. My mom told me recently she had two abortions and not one like I had originally learned. She had told me she couldn’t get herself to tell me about the first one because she felt shame. I hugged her and I told her she was brave for being vulnerable with me and dismantling the walls of shame. She was not alone.
Women who have experienced abortion often feel a lot of shame. So what can we do to help?
- Affirm that she is good. She was created good and she will always be good.
Far too often women feel “dirty” or tainted for their experience of abortion, but the truth is, we can help them see they are the sum of the Father’s love for them and not anything else.
2. Ask her what she needs from you.
Does she wish for you to just listen to her? Does she wish for you to help her find resources for post-abortive healing? www.hopeafterabortion.com is a great resource for that!
3. Remind her she is not alone on this journey.
The reality is women who experience abortion will always be healing and different experiences in their lives will bring back emotions, memories, or questions, but you can be the constant and above all God is the constant. Remind her of that.
Forgiveness is freeing. Forgiveness is something God wants to give all of us so we can live in the truth of who we are. Our identity as sons and daughters of God is unshakeable. Forgiving ourselves and forgiving others is a process. Be not afraid. God is ready to embrace you in that.
