But I love him.
When I was in high school my principal brought in a chastity speaker. I explicitly remember not wanting to give the speaker the time of day, especially when she told me that I should not be sexually active with my boyfriend and that a conversation about boundaries needed to happen. Like, WHO ARE YOU and WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO TELL ME ABOUT MY SEX LIFE??? I couldn’t even fathom having that conversation with my boyfriend or even make sense out of how committing to a lifestyle of chastity was showing him that I actually loved him more.
A few years later, after a life-changing reconversion and a new commitment and love for the lifestyle of chastity, I now have a full understanding of what that speaker was saying. Ironically enough, I am now that ever so beloved chastity speaker that high school girls get to listen to. After going into numerous high schools and talking to girls about chastity, I now realize that what terrified me back in high school is still a widespread dilemma going on in the minds of young ladies today: “What if I’m currently sexually active with my boyfriend/girlfriend, and no longer want to carry on with this lifestyle? How can I voice this to them? What if I truly love him/her?”
First, I want to stress that having this desire to love each other is so beautiful. In no way are your desires to show this love bad or wrong. I’m not trying to say you do or do not love your boyfriend/girlfriend. By making this decision to save sex for marriage, you are actively choosing to grow together in virtue and to love each other authentically. And in order to love someone authentically, often times it requires us to make a sacrifice, to be honest, and to will what is best for our significant other, even if that means it is going to be difficult.
I know communicating boundaries can be difficult, scary, and even uncomfortable, but I know what can be even more difficult is the regret you may have if you do not voice what your heart is truly feeling. Point blank, there is no other way other than sitting down with your significant other, being straightforward, and expressing your change of heart. It’s important that you speak truth to the fact that your heart is no longer in the same place and that you wish to love him MORE through this commitment to chastity. I encourage you to express to him/her that in no way does this decision mean that you love them any less but that through this decision of chastity you are choosing to love them MORE.
I can not make any promises that this message will be received well or that it will be easy. However, what I can tell you is that by having this conversation, there will be greater clarity, peace, and freedom in your relationship. The process of letting go of a boyfriend or girlfriend is VERY difficult, starting over is a scary thought, and stepping out of your “comfort” zone is always going to be scary, BUT…A few questions that are great to reflect upon in regards to your relationship are:
Am I truly happy?
Am I settling?
Do I often have thoughts about changing this person?
Do I believe I’m worth more?
Am I having thoughts of staying because of the fear of being lonely?
This is your sexuality; a gift that has been so graciously given to you by God. It is something that so often is overlooked and cheapened by this culture that we live in. Our sexuality is a gift that should be treated with the utmost love, respect, and care. Through the commitment of chastity, we honor this gift to the fullest and are able to freely give and receive authentic love. My dear brothers and sisters, you are an invaluable gift and a gift that is worth waiting for.
