Getting BITTER or getting BETTER?
I grew up in a very multicultural home. My mother is Thai and my father is Italian. Often I find that my temperament and my demeanor favors more with my Italian side. They match up in all of the stereotypical ways as well. Yes, I ALWAYS use my hands when I talk, I can be quite loud, I have a deep love for a good charcuterie (a fancy name for boujee cheese, sausage, and fruit on an overpriced piece of wood), and if I had it my way I would eat pesto on almost everything. Also, yes, my dad had quite the amazing Magnum PI mustache. Thankfully, I missed that gene.
However, there is an unbecoming stereotype of stubbornness with my people when it comes to conflict. That being, whenever there is a deep resounding disagreement, there is no resolution, you just never talk again. I have seen this play out time and time again within my own family. Some of my ancestors have died without resolving their deep family issues. They would rather die thinking they are right, rather than doing what’s right. You see, holding a grudge in my family is like a competition. Whomever can go the longest without speaking, wins the gold medal. One could think, “That is absolutely RIDICULOUS.” And I totally agree, yet, here I am exemplifying this very pattern in my own life.
Among the many talents I have which comprise of burping the ABC’s and eating copious amounts of Scandinavian Swimmers (whaddup my Trader Joe’s peeps), I know there is one thing I can do particularly well, and that’s hold a grudge. I kid you not, I could ignore people for periods of time without feeling an inkling of guilt. Interiorly, I feel this sick and twisted satisfaction from someone feeling my absence, my silence, and my disappointment. All the while, I know it is wrong and certainly not healthy.
Whenever I feel deeply hurt, I can easily act in anger and see him/her as my enemy. Heck, it becomes a full-on war in my head. Meanwhile, I can conduct this whole production in my head of how they’ve wronged me, and how they owe me this and that I realize that this bitterness and resentment often ends up manifesting itself within me, and I’m the one who ends up getting hurt the most. I deprive myself of the real joy that the Lord offers through mercy. The real enemy here is not my brother or sister, but someone who’s in constant pursuit of causing division throughout all human hearts. Though I know this, my flesh seeks to cling fiercely to what is here on earth rather than to seek solace in the fact that God has it under control.
Whatever it may be, a broken friendship, an argument with your parents or siblings, I know deep down that we desire peace. It may not be pretty, it actually may be pretty messy. It may not make sense, or feel good in the slightest, but at the end of the day just like love, forgiveness is a choice. We must choose to communicate, pray, and fight for one another.
COMMUNICATE: Despite all that I just divulged about my unhealthy habits, I am a firm believer in handling conflict head on. We cannot run away from conflict, and we must be willing to have those hard conversations even when it’s difficult. Trust me, I know how gut-wrenching it can be to approach someone and say those three little words, “Can we talk?”
PRAY: Pray for them and love them in a deeper way. Ya boy Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” We must be in a constant disposition to desire their salvation, EVEN when it’s difficult. Just do it, bro.
FIGHT: This is so much easier said than done, but we must always fight for our brothers and sisters. We must fight not in the hopes of making up, or in the fact that she’s right, or that I’m right, but because God has called us to be obedient to his . It is not our job to control and conduct every situation.
