A Strong Woman is a Joyful Woman

First, allow me to lay a bit of a foundation: I am a man.  Because of this, I don’t have experiential knowledge of what I’m about to write about (as in, I’ve never been a woman).  However, I do have an outsider’s perspective from growing up with and interacting with incredible women my entire life. Women have loved me, challenged me, befriended me, and made my life so much richer because of it.  And so, this is more of a personal observer’s reflection than anything hard and fast, a reflection on the tenacious and beautiful mystery of femininity.  

I’ve noticed an ongoing trend in the media lately, one that I think is important and should be, in many ways, celebrated.  That trend is the appearance of more and more female characters that have depth and value beyond the typical “eye candy” role.  They have real motivations, real emotions, real personalities, and they grow over time, just like (what do you know!) real women.  Some popular, positive examples that come to mind are Katniss Everdeen in “The Hunger Games” books and films, and, most recently, Rey from “Star Wars VII”.  In a lot of ways, these women represent what is so beautifully amazing about femininity. They are tenacious, standing up for great causes. They are intelligent and also allow themselves to feel deeply.  They are compassionate, nurturing their friends and families. They bring warmth and joy and love to the people around them. They inspire heroism in others.

The adjective that is so often used to describe these characters is “strong”.  Now, whether or not we think this word sufficiently describes all that these women are, there is a question here, and an issue that I’ve noticed.  What does female strength look like? Quite often, I have noticed less positive examples of this trend that seem to suggest that strength for a woman is expressed through harshness or bitterness.  In other words, they don’t take crap from anyone. They can have what they want, step on everybody’s toes, and even put down their male counterparts. Not only that, they can physically overpower anyone that gets in their way.  One character that comes to mind is Peggy Carter from the “Captain America” films, who also has her own TV series that airs its second season this winter. The tagline for said TV show is: “Sometimes the best man for the job… is a woman”, juxtaposed dramatically over scenes of her throwing huge musclebound thugs out of windows and blowing people away with a shotgun.  Now, as a huge Marvel geek, I love the movies and have watched the whole show, and a lot of the stories are really enjoyable. But I can’t help but feel like Peggy’s characterization sells women short. It’s almost as if, in order to become equal to the men around her, she has to become like them. As if stereotypical masculinity (which looks half-baked and shallow on male characters as well, by the way) is the only way to get respect, even as a woman.  

Many applaud this personality type as “liberation” from the old ways, when it was men trampling over women’s desires and feelings.  And in many ways, I can see where this viewpoint is coming from. In so much of our history, there has been a great disrespect toward women and all that they have to uniquely offer to society.  This disrespect absolutely must be fought against, and I think the positive examples I mentioned above make great strides to show women and men as equals. Ultimately, I believe that presenting joyful women is the key to long-term change in our culture on this issue.  Women who are unafraid of who they are. Women who don’t seem like they are trying to “make up for” their femininity by acting bitter and harsh, but who embrace the unique power and beauty they possess.  The women that inspire and enlighten me the most in my life are the ones who aren’t afraid to be vulnerable, to be confident, to be happy, and to be themselves. And the world needs that unique kind of strength that only women can provide.