Why Did I Really Do That?
So there was this girl at my parish that I really liked. She was beautiful and virtuous and I desperately wanted to impress her! I’d sign up for volunteer opportunities and retreats simply because I knew she was going. I even remember kneeling down after receiving communion and thinking: “Is she watching me?” or “If she sees me praying longer than everyone else then she’ll think I’m super holy!”
I think it’s safe to say that my intentions, while rooted in something good, were not oriented correctly. And although I was spending more time in prayer, it was only to garner attention or some sort of affirmation. The Catechism warns us about practices like this. It states that “A good intention does not make behavior that is intrinsically disordered, such as lying and calumny, good or just. The end does not justify the means. . . On the other hand, an added bad intention (such as vainglory) makes an act evil that, in and of itself, can be good” (CCC 1753).
Now this is what we call purity of intention. In essence, this asks us to consider the reason for why we do things. Is to glorify God? Or is it for personal gain?
As simple of a question as that may seem, this teaching is a fundamental aspect of our faith that informs how we interact with the world around us and, more importantly, the people in it. This comes in varying degrees, of course, but I’d like to narrow this discussion down into the context of relationships and chastity; specifically how practicing chastity can aid in purifying our intentions and better prepare us for dating relationships. Let’s dive in!
First and foremost, we need to understand that dating serves a purpose. It’s ultimately meant to lead us to marriage. We shouldn’t just date for the sake of dating or because we feel pressured by society. Waiting for the right person can be difficult, but we should never settle along the way!
With that said, entering into a marriage is no small task either. God is entrusting us with the salvation of another. He’s asking us to love that person just as He does. This means desiring the best for them, even if we are called to make sacrifices of ourselves.
And what is the greatest good that God offers us? Eternity with Him in heaven! So, if we do the math, our goal should be to get one another to heaven, because in doing so we glorify God.
So, when it comes to relationships, why do we really do the things that we do? Are we seeking relationships for selfish reasons? Are we allowing our desires to control us? Are we doing good things for the sake of getting attention?
After we ask ourselves these questions there’s still one more we have to ask. Am I practicing chastity? You see, chastity is the virtue that allows us to take control of our desires and orient them towards good; towards love.
By practicing chastity we seek to purify our words, thoughts, and actions so that everything we do and everyone we encounter may be an opportunity to glorify God. This may seem daunting, but with God’s help it’s possible. Here are some helpful suggestions to get started:
- Reflect: As the statement above suggests, we have to take a step back and truly reflect on our intentions. This can be difficult, but we have to ask those questions and be honest with ourselves about our responses.
- Boundaries: After giving ourselves adequate time to reflect we should set boundaries that will help us keep to our commitment of purity. These will look different for everyone, but they can be as simple as changing our media habits or as complex as changing our group of friends. Adjust according to your needs.
By practicing the virtue of chastity we can truly begin to enter into relationships for the proper reasons. Does this mean that we will be perfect and everything will turn out the way we want? No. That’s not what this is about. However, in the words of Fr. Philip Dion: “If we have purity of intention, we are willing to accept God’s will, even in failure.”
