Save Sex or Safe Sex?
“ I really respect Chastity and all that you said, it was a good talk, I enjoyed it, I just wanted to ask what made you want to speak on Chastity and not on safe sex, because the reality is by the time high schoolers graduate high school they have already had sex.”
This was a question I was asked after giving my sexual integrity talk; it’s a great question. Why not just speak on “safe sex?” Why give a talk on chastity?
Well I think to first answer this question we need to debunk what chastity isn’t, chastity and abstinence are not the same thing. Abstinence is abstaining from something, whereas chastity is an integration of our passion and desires; it’s a lifestyle. It is so much more than saving sex and all sexual intimate acts for marriage; even married couples are called to live out chastity. We are all called to live it out regardless of what stage in life we are in, who we are attracted to, whether or not we are single, engaged, married; if you are human, you are called to a life of virtue.
Chastity is saying yes to love and all it demands. It is striving for purity of my thoughts, words, and actions. It helps us master our passions and desires. The reality is, either we become masters over our passion and desires, or become slave to them. It is our tool to love and to love authentically.
Because I understand the truth and gift of our sexuality and the sacredness of sex, I will never encourage young people to practice safe sex or any person to have sex outside of its intended purpose.Our culture does a great injustice to young people, it tells young people:
You “should” wait till you are in love to have sex, but you know what, you have all these strong sexual desires, drives, that.. Here, take a condom, you won’t be able to control yourself, so might as well be safe.
How insulting to young people! We aren’t animals, we have an intellect and a will, we can choose. Desires and attractions aren’t bad, how we choose to act upon them and where we orient them will dictate whether or not they are ordered or disordered. Every desire we have isn’t meant to always been acted out upon. I have a desire to eat a full chocolate cake, it’s not a bad desire, but eating a full chocolate cake won’t actually satisfy that desire nor would it be good for me. So I learn to temper that desire, I redirect it, I redirect towards something that is good for me, instead of just settling for temporary fulfillment.
SO, instead of teaching safe sex, how about I teach about the tool that will help us order our desires. The tool that will actually leave us more satisfied and fulfilled. Here are 3 practical ways we can start living out chastity and the love that each of us was created for.
- Boundaries. Boundaries are so important in our fight for authentic love. Communication is key. Boundaries aren’t restrictions but the stepping blocks on our journey to experience true freedom.
- Community. We need to surround ourselves with people fighting for authentic love, those who will not let us settle for anything less than what we deserve; those who can always remind us to stay strong in times where we may feel weak.
- Education. Let’s educate ourselves more on what the virtue of chastity is and why the church is so firm on its teaching. What is my sexuality and what is its intended purpose?
I will never teach safe sex, because it doesn’t exist and it actually doesn’t fulfill the desires of our heart, it’ll only satisfy them for a moment. Why would I allow you to settle for a moment, when we have a God who desires us to be fully satisfied in Him?
