Being Unreservedly Yourself
“Christian heroism, and indeed one perhaps sees little enough of that, is to risk unreservedly being oneself.”
-Soren Kierkegaard
Growing up in this culture can have a way of making us forget who we are and what we have been created for. As a kid, I was super into music, art, and being straight up silly. But somewhere along the way, I lost sight of who I was amidst the family turmoil and the constant bullying I experienced at school. That glowing, rambunctious, goofy little kid was lost in the shuffle of it all. Needless to say, what was going on in life was enough to make even the most confident kid second guess his worth. So what did I do? I conformed to who the culture screamed I needed to be.
All of a sudden we are living out of shame, comparison and disengagement rather than worthiness, boundaries, and engagement.
Men in this culture are told that they can never show a sign of weakness. Women are told that they must be perfect. Meanwhile, all of us are constantly being told that we will never be enough. This culture teaches us to live lives constantly for the approval of others; “If they say that I am enough then I know I have made it.” We turn others to ourselves asking, “Do you love me? Do you really love me?!” and in that we have given the power of our worth to things and people outside of ourselves. All of a sudden we are living out of shame, comparison and disengagement rather than worthiness, boundaries, and engagement. Dr. Brene Brown explains that the antidote to the shame of feeling never enough or worthy of love, is to live lives of vulnerability; a wholehearted life.
When we encounter others as we are (without the masks, the shields, the filters, and the armor) and we meet them where they are, we grow in the freedom of being our authentic selves.
Dr. Brown explains that vulnerability means having the courage to show up and allow ourselves to be seen! Coming from the root vulnus (to wound), vulnerability means to remain open to being wounded. To remain woundable means that we are open to receiving and being received by the other; knowing that it is possible we may get hurt. When we encounter others as we are (without the masks, the shields, the filters, and the armor) and we meet them where they are, we grow in the freedom of being our authentic selves. How do we begin this journey?
We have to start by believing we are enough! As men our worth does not come from never having to ask for help; relying on others doesn’t make us weak. For my sisters, its realizing that you are not too much and you don’t have to have it all together. You are worthy of love at all times!
And for all of us, we must realize that we do not get our worth from the things that we do, but simply from our identity as beloved sons and daughters. Beyond believing we are enough, is working on creating boundaries. We must know where we end and others begin. This is known as the differentiation of self. In other words knowing what I am responsible for and what my feelings are and separating them from the feelings and responsibilities of others as well.
Lastly, we live “wholeheartedly” when we show up, take risks, and let ourselves be seen!
You can bet your bottom dollar that this musical loving, graphic design pursuing, painfully honest, sensitive, empathetic brother of yours is living in greater freedom knowing that he is enough and so are you!
