To the Girl Who Has Never Been In a Relationship. 
Hi, my name is Dani, I am 24 years old and I have never been asked out on a date. In the world we live in today, this statement is one of shame, embarrassment, and insecurity. And to be honest with you I have experienced all of these. It was shameful to be used by guys as a means to talk to my friends, it was embarrassing to never get asked to a high school dance, and never feeling desired by guys led to insecurity.
Yeah sure, maybe in the past I have had guys who were “interested” or asked to “hang out” but never actually committed or guys who strung me along until they decided I was no longer worth their time and “ghosted” me. Three times I have been in a friendship trio with a girl and a guy until the two of them eventually fall in love and start dating, leaving me to feel like the awkward third wheel. My friends started referring to me as the “Professional Third Wheel”, not really a nickname I would advertise.
I have been ignored and forgotten by men who treat my friends with love, respect and kindness simply because they perceive them to be prettier and therefore, more worthy. If you have had this experience before I am so, so sorry. Nobody deserves to feel as though they are subhuman.
It’s almost impossible for the ways we have been treated again and again in the past to not seep into our stream of consciousness and lead us to believe lies about ourselves.
“Nobody has asked me out because I am not _______ enough or because I am too _______.”
We all have one, or maybe even 10 lies we tell ourselves to rationalize why we don’t seem to be desirable. But here is the thing, they are ALL LIES because the reality is… it’s out of our hands. The fact that you are or are not dating someone doesn’t depend on how smart or pretty or talented or funny you perceive yourself to be. There are people of all sizes, shapes, and personalities that are in relationships, so nothing that you perceive is “wrong” with you is actually the reason you haven’t been asked out. The TRUTH is, relationships are a GIFT from God, not something we can earn.
The truth is your dignity doesn’t come from what other people think about you or how they choose to treat you. Your worth doesn’t change based upon the things people say to or about you. Your dignity and worth doesn’t change with your weight. It stays the same whether or not you believe you are worthy. Our worth and dignity comes from Jesus, from God our Creator. He tells us who we truly are, even when we forget. He, who created the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen, who created the majestic mountains I grew up in the shadow of, thinks I am more beautiful and more worthy than all of those sights combined. We are, in the eyes of God, the pinnacle of creation, which means we are more beautiful and worthy than all of the stars and sunrises and oceans and butterflies that have ever existed.
So, who are you going to listen to, God the creator of the universe, the stars, mountains, flowers, sunsets, and all the beauty we witness every day or humans who often fail to see and respect their own dignity and are only ever able to view humanity in its broken state since the fall of Adam and Eve?
The truth is, we get to decide whether the words or actions of others and even our own intrusive thoughts have any actual weight in our lives. This is a lot easier said than done, right?
Here are a few things we need to remember:
- Your worth and identity are not tied into your relationship status.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, your worth and dignity stays the same. Don’t believe the lie that you are less than or you are not valuable unless you are dating someone.
- Singleness is not a gauge of your beauty or personality.
Singleness can be HARD, especially when you feel like you have been patiently waiting your whole life but, we need to reject the lie that “singleness” is synonymous with “something is wrong with me”. You don’t suddenly become more beautiful the second someone shows interest in you.
- Being in a relationship doesn’t guarantee happiness, or fulfillment.
Relationships are not meant to fulfill our every desire and if we enter a relationship with that expectation we are setting ourselves up to be disappointed. It is not your significant other’s job to fulfill you. The only one who can truly fulfill our desires for love and fulfillment is God, and the GOOD NEWS is that we always have access to him. Do yourself a favor and find your fulfillment in God before you enter a relationship and your future relationships will thrive because of it.
- Strive to be the kind of person your future spouse would want to marry.
Think about the person you would like to marry one day… What are they like? What kind of traits do they embody? Are they kind, selfless, loving, hardworking, clean, responsible? Now look at yourself, do you possess the traits you are hoping for in a future spouse? If not, it’s time to start striving to become the kind of person your future spouse would want to marry. Use your singleness to become an even better holier version of yourself!
- We don’t need MANY men to desire us, we only need one.
Think about it, we are only going to marry one man in the future so why do we need multiple men pining for our attention? We DON’T.
- Don’t Settle.
Trust that God is good and wants to fulfill your desires. He won’t let you miss your future.
