Your Past Does Not Disqualify You From Love
When I think of the happiness that is in store for me, every sorrow, every pain becomes dear to me. -St. Francis of Assisi
If you’re the reader of this blog, you probably have a past.
For a lot of us, our past can be filled with great joy. And then I’m sure for a lot of us, it can be filled with great regret, sorrow, and pain as well.
The temptation may be to think our pasts are too broken, too extreme, too bad for us to ever go forward. That no one could ever love all the broken pieces of your heart. Despite wanting to change by going to confession, forgiving ourselves and each other, going to counseling, changing our ways, and doing every step to move forward, we can’t help but to give into that little voice in our heads that says,
“You are never going to be good enough.”
“They’re never going to love you and all your sins.”
“Why do you even try? You’ve made bad choices in the past, and you’re never going to change.”
When we give into these thoughts and lies, strange behaviors start to arise. We may start to test the other people around us, doing things to see to what extent they will love us. We may shy away from relationships, or push people away before they can intimately know us and our past; we push them away before they have the chance to reject us. We may dive deeper into our sins, trying to find comfort in the pain. We may go to lengths
to serve other people, because we think that because we are so broken, we have to earn someone’s love. We may reject acts of love from friends and family, thinking that we don’t need or deserve their love.
Reader, I’m here to tell you that none of the above has to be true.
It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, what you’ve done, or where you are in your journey. Nothing you could do could ever disqualify you from love.
Read that again.
Nothing you could do could ever disqualify you from love.
Our God made each and every person on this earth good and beautiful. You don’t even have to believe in Him for this to be a fact; you are good and beautiful, and deserving of love and respect. And no person, no amount of sin and brokenness, no act that you can do can ever take that away from you.
Reader, I’m also here to tell you that I’m sorry if anyone has ever convinced you of otherwise.
I’m sorry if people have gossipped about you and your past actions, possibly even made up a rumor about who you are. I’m sorry if a significant other has seen you as dirty or used because of your sexual past. I’m sorry if people shun you because of who they think you are.
I’m sorry if you have not been fully seen and received as the person who the Lord made you to be: beautiful, good, and worthy of love.
We are worthy of our desires. Our desires to be in loving, committed relationships. Our desires to be better people. Our desires to keep moving forward. Our desires to find peace and happiness.
We are worthy of it all.
Our pasts are a part of who we are. It’s what brought us here today. It’s what has ultimately brought us to healing, to the special people in our lives, to a closer relationship with Jesus. We can embrace our pasts, and move forward. Just as Jesus spoke to the woman caught in adultery “Neither do I condemn you. Go and from now on sin no more” (John 8:1-11)
Readers, inspired by Christ’s never-ending love for us, let us go forth, and sin no more.
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If you are struggling with healing or moving forward or knowing that you are loved, please see some practicals below. Reader, I am praying for you!
- Remind yourself that you are His Beloved.
I used to write bible quotes or inspirational quotes in permanent marker on my mirrors! I changed my phone backgrounds with images and quotes that reminded me of the Father’s love for me. I read the Gospel of John frequently. I pursued anything I needed to remind myself of my goodness and His love for me.
Here’s one to get you started: “My past, O Lord, to Your mercy; my present, to Your love; my future to Your providence.” – St. Padre Pio
- Reach out to a professional or trusted adult
If you are really struggling with your past, reach out to a spiritual director, therapist, or trusted adult! They are equipped to walk with you in this journey.
- Acknowledge your past
When you are ready, take time to pray with your past. Ask the Lord to come into those particularly painful moments in your life and ask Him to heal them, to show you how He loved you in them. Remember that healing and growth is not linear, and you may have to do this often. Our God knows your heart way better than anyone, and will heal your past as your heart is ready.
- Take a step back from those you need to.
Maybe you still keep in contact with the person that caused you pain because you decided to continue to be friends. Or maybe you have a friend that likes to bring up your past life, jokingly. Be empowered to know that you can still love those around you, but can take a step back from friendships or even romantic relationships if needed.
- Go to Confession frequently (and be patient with yourself)
It’s often joked that after going to confession, you join the “clean souls club” It certainly can feel that way! In your journey of healing, go frequently to confession, weekly if you have to! Sometimes you can slide into your past sins and behaviors. In these moments, be patient with yourself; as I said earlier, healing is not linear. Even when you reach points in your life where your sins seem a distant speck on the horizon, keep going to confession. Continuously allow Jesus to chase you with His love and mercy.
- Allow yourself to be loved
Let your mom make you breakfast. Let your friend buy you that coffee. Allow someone to carry your heavy bags. Allow these things to happen not because you are demanding or high maintenance, but because you believe that people want to love and serve you, and that you are deserving of these small gestures of love.
