3 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Push Others Away
Have you ever heard people reference the idea of “putting up walls,” or creating emotional boundaries? Sometimes they come from healthy, prudent, and well-discerned intentions or are even necessary when relationships become toxic and unhealthy. On the other hand, I commonly see these “walls” arising in a self-protective way that prevents vulnerability in new friendships. Even further, though, rather than having a simple boundary, I’ve known too many who would load up the walls guarding the castle of their heart with the whole calvary… and they fire at will. In other words, they don’t just keep the people they know from entering in, but they do whatever they can to push them further and further away. Even if we’ve convinced ourselves that this is what we want, the truth is that we all desire to share our hearts fully with another. So, if reading this feels all too familiar, here are 3 reasons why I believe you shouldn’t push others away.
- You were created for the exact opposite purpose of pushing others away.
In physical chemistry, I spent a great deal of time studying the concept of “entropy,” learning that the entropy of the universe is increasing, or in other terms, the energy of the universe is dispersing and spreading out. Our very universe is moving further and further away from itself, but humanity still somehow continues to build relationships. We are made for relationships. We are not created to push others away or to distance ourselves from others. Humanity is different from the rest of creation. We were made by love, for love, to love. We are made for communion. There is something within us that will always long to love and to be loved. Don’t stifle this desire. If you try to, you will only end up hurting both yourself and others more.
- In pushing others away, you might be trying to protect yourself. In the process though, you’re likely hurting someone else.
I’m a Type 2 Enneagram, meaning I am “the helper.” It brings me such a great joy to help my friends, family, and relationships however I can, whether that be providing a service, giving advice, or simply supporting someone through a hard moment. These are the ways I seek to love others, so when I am pushed away from helping, I feel like I am not able to love. It feels like my love is being rejected, like I am being rejected. Sometimes I feel like Ne-Yo said it best: “Girl, let me love you!” For whatever reason, the wounds of rejection and abandonment that we receive in our own lives–and need healing from interiorly–find ways to make themselves manifest exteriorly. Out of our own hurt, we reject others, we push away others, and we hurt others. Allowing yourself to be helped, to be loved, to be cared for by another… they might be the very person you need for your own healing process and the redemption of your past. In allowing them in, you are also loving others by letting them love you in the way they do best.
- When you push others away, it’s easy to push God away, too.
I recently received a beautiful meditation on healing with the “Parable of the Prodigal Son.” In the meditation, I was experiencing the role of the older brother, and I was very upset with the father for allowing the younger brother to leave despite his knowing that the path would only leave my brother/his son wounded. And in my anger towards the father, instead of waiting with him for the younger brother to return, I pushed him away and retreated into work in the field. The father in this parable of course represents God, our Father, and I realized that in my own personal wounds, not only was I blocking the people in my life, but I was blocking God, too. God was saying to me, “I know this hurts. But why won’t you wait with me? Why won’t you be with me in the pain?” It’s the embrace of the Father that heals all wounds. When we become so accustomed to the lifestyle of pushing others away, that doesn’t automatically exclude God. We push Him away. We sin against Him. And if we believe that Christ can be found in each and every person, when we shut them out, it’s also shutting Christ out.
Whatever reason or pain you possess that causes you to lean towards isolation over communion, I want to leave you with this: It does take strength to seek out healing, to have the courage to be vulnerable, and to put yourself out there with the fear you might be hurt again. But I wish to encourage you here. Be not afraid! The Lord will meet you there to give you Himself entirely, His strength entirely, so that even in loneliness, you don’t have to feel alone or do this alone. Lower the drawbridge to the castle of your heart. Invite others in. God will be with you, He will protect you, and He will send people in whose love will be like His, helping to restore you.
