Everybody Needs Somebody!
Like most other young men and women out there, you and I have the same problem. We are weak and fallen human beings who get bucked off the horse sometimes! What do we need in those times? What will keep us steady? There are many things, but a very important one is each other.
Imagine for a minute there is a stalk of corn all alone in the middle of a field. If the wind picks up and starts to blow hard on the stalk, odds are it will break! (I’m from South Dakota and I see both corn and high winds all the time.) However, if that single stalk of corn is surrounded by other cornstalks, the odds of it being broken drop significantly. Those cornstalks hold each other up!
The lyrics of the 1972 Bill Withers classic come to mind. “Lean on me when you’re not strong, and I’ll be your friend. I’ll help you carry on.”
We need to surround ourselves with people who will hold us up when the wind starts to blow. Have you ever thought about getting an accountability partner? I know, lots of questions come up. What even is that? Who is the right person? How do I ask someone to do that for me? What if I’m scared? Here are six tips when it comes to an accountability partner.
- Pray. Ask God to help you find someone. He wants you in Heaven with Him and He created you for that reason. He also said it is not good for us to be alone, so you better believe He will give you someone to bring you closer to His heart.
- Ask someone you respect. I asked a group of young men once, as we were discussing steps of breaking free from a pornography addiction, “If you knew that your dad would know within a minute of you looking at pornography, would you still watch it?” All of them said, “NO WAY!” I responded, “Then he might be a good accountability partner.” You respect him, and that helps keep you out of trouble! That’s true not just in regards to breaking addictions but also in navigating any types of temptations.
- Ask someone who understands the struggle. The worst thing you could have is someone who shames you or who gets sick of your struggle and gives up on you! Also, men and women are so different, especially in our struggles with chastity. So, men, it is very important to find a brother (or several) to be your accountability partner. Women, find a sister. Find someone who wants you to be a saint! This leads to my next point.
- Ask someone who cares about your sanctity. I know each of us want to get to heaven. We often fall on our journeys and need someone who cares about our soul’s destination! If a friend cares about your sanctity, then that friend will be willing to fight for you! In short, he or she needs to love you and want what is eternally best for you.
These last two apply once you have found that accountability partner.
- Don’t lie!!! I can’t stress this enough! Don’t lie! Do not lie! DO NOT LIE! Your accountability partner is someone with whom you should be completely honest. That person is supposed to help you, but if you are lying to them then, how can they? I know this first hand! I struggled for a long time with the shame of admitting to someone that I had fallen again, but I had a revelation: we get so caught up in the negative that we forget the positive. Remember the progress you’ve made. Don’t look at a fall as a failure, but as a challenge to try harder, or as God’s invitation to continue to grow closer to Him.
- Both of you check in. Your partner might check on you regularly, but you have to put in some effort too. Whether it’s been a good day or a bad day let them know. It could be as simple as a text. Communication is key!
So, no matter what your struggle is, we can lean on each other, and fight the winds of temptation together! I want to encourage each of you that virtue does not come overnight. Like a spiritual muscle, we have to exercise it. I want you to know that it may be hard, but it will get easier. Find someone to help you, and let the hope of heaven drive you onward.
