Dropping the Handkerchief: How Do You Show You’re Interested?

Ladies, let’s say there’s a man out there who’s got you feelin’ some type of way… what do you do? You want to show you’re interested but you also want to leave room for him to pursue. Basically, what we’re dealing with is how to pursue without pursuing. It sounds weird, but let’s break it down.

Before I really dive in, I want to make a few things clear. This blog isn’t saying women don’t have a role in the initial start of a dating relationship, because that’s not true. If anything, I hope to share how women can help men be confident in their pursuit. Additionally, I want to communicate how vital it is for women to be intentional and clear in their interest. Women have this expectation for men, so we should do the same. It’s going to help the men in our lives better pursue us!

Speaking of helping out our brothas, there are multiple ways women can express interest. Men can’t read our minds, so anything we can do to respectfully highlight our desire to be pursued is an achievement. To determine some of the best methods out there, I surveyed a number of men and women on this topic. I inquired about their experiences and developed the following tips from their expertise.

Let’s start with the women! I asked ladies what they’ve done to show they are interested in a guy, and they provided some small, concrete ways for y’all to drop the handkerchief as well. Here were some of the top responses:

• Make yourself available: Too often women are left wondering why no guys approach them or why they never get asked out. One reason could be that we are not making ourselves available. Think about your normal disposition. Do you always have headphones in? Are you perpetually on your phone? Is your group of friends constantly swarming so there’s little opportunity for others to enter in? If these seem familiar, then we are not creating a space that makes us approachable to anyone, let alone someone we are interested in! Putting away our screens and stepping outside of our comfort zone might be the needed spark to start fruitful interactions with another.
• Discover their interests: Now, this isn’t the creepy stalk their social media and see what they post about kind of deal; this actually involves having a discussion with someone. In a face-to-face conversation, discover what this person is passionate about and loves to do. Don’t let them stop at a surface level answer! Ask thoughtful questions and affirm their interests. Maybe even ask them to teach you their talent or take you to their favorite spot. This could lead to more interactions and clearly shows you care about the things they do!
• Allow them to serve: For some reason, this is one of the hardest things for women to do nowadays. Letting men carry our suitcases, fix a broken shelf, or do some other random task can affirm their masculinity. It shows we desire to receive their service rather than stifle it as we break out signing “Miss Independent” by Ne-Yo. That’s a bop for sure, but even Ne-Yo wants to take care of his lady. Ya feel?

Now let’s take a look at the other side. I asked men what made it clear a girl was interested and gave them the confidence to ask her on a date. Here’s what they said:

• Don’t be afraid to goof: Banter, teasing, jokes – they aren’t just good for the laughs. Every guy I asked loved the silly moments when a girl just started joshing around. So if you have a humorous back and forth and constantly poke fun at each other, that’s not a bad thing! Men often perceive wit and humor as a sign that a woman is confident and potentially interested.
• Pay attention to body language: The phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.” has never been more true. Sometimes it’s not what we say to a guy but how we present ourselves. A man can sense if a woman is interested simply by observing her positioning. For example, if our arms are crossed and we are looking off into the distance, a guy will probably assume we don’t want to talk to him. BUT if we make eye contact, stand in close proximity, and directly face him, a man can sense we are engaged in the conversation. This is simple, but it makes a big difference!
• Toss out the invite: Guys aren’t the only ones who can extend invitations to do things! If we genuinely want this person to do something with us, ask them! Make sure it’s a clear invite rather than a vague suggestion. For example, don’t say, “I’m super excited about this movie coming out tomorrow night. I want to go see it.” This man has no clue you want him to come with you from those statements. Instead, actually invite him by saying, “I’m excited to see this movie tomorrow! Wanna come with me?” Look, it’s a cheesy example, but you get the point. 

Obviously, some of these things can be done with no romantic interest involved. Yes, I totally get that. Thankfully, most times we can tell the difference between someone being friendly and a little more than friendly, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down. But if we show interest in these ways consistently and pointedly, it can communicate a desire for something greater in that relationship. 

Finally, I want to state that these aren’t some random tips to breadcrumb a guy along. As women, we can encourage a man’s pursuit and embrace our capacity for receiving them in their efforts. It’s a big deal for a brotha to put himself out there, so let’s honor men by making the process of shooting their shot just a little bit easier!