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Approaching the “Chastity Conversation”

April 26th, 2022
By Kathryn Hallinan read
Posted in Culture

I know from experience that talking about chastity with the person you are newly dating can be intimidating. When I first started going on dates with my current boyfriend, I was so nervous to tell him how I wanted to be in a chaste relationship. 

Yet, after our second date, I knew I needed to talk to him about my desire to live out chastity in our relationship. Instead of being confident and clear, I blurted out something to the effect of “I don’t want to do anything physical with you and if that means you don’t like me anymore or you want to date other girls I totally understand.” Don’t do that!

Knowing what I know now, I realize there was absolutely no need for me to be anxious or embarrassed. Our desire to live out the virtue of chastity is amazing! It is not something to be nervous about. 

Looking back, I realize I could have approached that conversation with much more confidence and grace. So, I want to provide you with a few tips I wish I had when approaching the conversation about chastity with the person you’re newly dating:

  1. Be confident

Having strong values is attractive! Approach the conversation with a positive perspective knowing that it will bring clarity to your relationship. Stand firm in your conviction to have a chaste relationship.  

Months after that conversation, my boyfriend told me that what I said to him that night was actually the most attractive thing a woman had ever said to him. Remember, discipline, virtue, chastity are attractive!  

  1. Be clear

Explain to him your personal reasons for wanting to live out chastity in your relationship and communicate boundaries. A clear boundary we suggest for dating couples is to draw the line before making out. Do not be vague in your language because he’ll probably be confused.

Because of our lack of knowledge and clarity at the time, my boyfriend and I didn’t have our boundaries spelled out in that initial conversation. As a result, we fell into temptation leaving us feeling frustrated and upset. It was not until we drew this clear boundary that we were able to love each other so much more easily! It’s been said that “angelic purity is easier to live out than 50% purity because you are not constantly teasing each other.” And it is so true!

  1. Be receptive

After sharing your desires for your relationship, listen to what he/she has to say. Remember, chastity is a journey for every individual and every couple. If you decide to keep dating, it is important to continue this conversation and learn more about this beautiful virtue together. 

Again, I know that talking about chastity with a person you are just getting to know can be scary, but the clarity afterwards is worth it. If he/she wants to pursue chastity with you or not, you’ll know if this person wants to love you in the ways you deserve to be loved. 

About the Author

Kathryn is a 2021 graduate of West Chester University with a BA in Communication and Media Studies. She grew up in the suburbs of Philadelphia and is from a large Irish Catholic family. Kathryn was drawn to the Culture Project after encountering two Culture Project missionaries whose authenticity captured her heart. After looking into the organization’s mission, Kathryn knew she wanted to be a part of spreading the Culture Project’s message. She is excited to serve as a missionary to help others understand who they are and how they are created to live. “The message of authentic love speaks to the human heart, and I cannot wait to see other young people set free by the truths they deserve to know!”

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