Finding a Good Community

“Saints are like grapes, they come in bunches.” This is a quote that has stuck with me since the first time I heard it from a priest my freshman year of college. I was fresh out of high school and ready to take on the world, having moved three hours away from home to attend college at Tulane University. As excited as I was to be starting college in a new city, I was also nervous. I was the only person from my class going there, meaning that I knew no one when I first arrived. I, like so many others, longed to find friends who would “get me” and be there for the rest of my life. After trial and error, I quickly learned that in order to find those types of friends, I had to know where to look for them.

Speaking from experience, I know how easy it can be to get caught up in a group of friends that is not good for us, or do not want the best for us. You may be asking yourself “Okay, but what is the best for us?,” which is a great question. In order to find a solid group of friends we must understand that purpose of friends, or community, which is to help us get to Heaven. You see, the goal of our time on Earth isn’t to be successful as defined by worldly standards. Rather, our goal is to get to Heaven, and be united with God in Eternity. When you think about it from that perspective, it’s easy to see why it is so imperative to have friends who want to support us in that goal, and will challenge us to be the best people we can be while here on Earth so that we can achieve it. 

Now, like I mentioned, I know from experience how hard it can be to find friends like that, so I want to offer you some practical advice on how to find friendships that will last. 

• Quality over quantity – It can be so easy, especially when we live in a world that puts a lot of emphasis on how many followers we have, to always want to have a large group  of friends. However, I have come to learn that it is truly a matter of quality over quantity. When looking for friends it’s important to look for those who are good, solid people that truly want the best for us and will our good. Ultimately, this means that it is more than okay if we only have a few, solid friends rather than a multitude of acquaintances. 

• Get involved in things you care about – This may seem like a simple, or common sense step, but it’s one that can be crucial when it comes to making friends. Naturally, as humans, we want to be surrounded by people who care about the things that we care about. If you get involved in things that you are passionate about, for example, getting involved in your local pro-life club, or volunteering at a homeless shelter, you are more likely to find people who have the same interests and values that you do. 

• Be open – Friendship, and more importantly true, authentic friendship, doesn’t always come around in the ways that we are expecting it to. Sometimes that means that we need to open ourselves up to the possibility of meeting people in ways that are not the most “conventional,” especially given the time of quarantine that we are currently living in. Because of this, we should be open to connecting with people in new ways, like things such as instagram pages, or even Facebook groups. Of course, as with all things in this life, we need to be sure that we are using these things prudently and do not get sucked into the vortex that is social media. However, when we use it correctly it can allow us to strengthen our in person relationships, as well as develop others with people all over the world. 

• Live out the virtue of chastity – If you know anything about the Culture Project, you know how important the virtue of chastity is to us as missionaries. We believe that chastity blossoms in friendship. If we live out this virtue of chastity we will attract others who are also striving to live that lifestyle. The goal of chastity is Heaven, just like the goal of any relationship we enter in. We should all be striving to get to Heaven in any and all ways possible, including all of the friendships we enter. 

Finding good and faithful friends can be something that is very integral in life. We are made to be in community with others. We should strive to find friendships that build us up and challenge us to be the best humans we can be.