Navigating Attractions
If love is our end as human persons, then our lives should revolve around this question: How can I best love the people I encounter? Simple question, not so simple execution when attraction enters the scene and seemingly clouds all rational thought processes. When attraction comes, sometimes confusion follows. If we are not in a committed romantic relationship – or are unfree to enter into one – with the person to whom we are attracted, we might ask: Is it bad that I am attracted to this person?
Attraction, in and of itself, is neither good nor bad. It is what we do with it that matters. Each of us has the ability to actively will the good of another person, no matter what we might be feeling. We are not the sum of our attractions and emotions. We are human persons made with the freedom to love. Since every human being is created in the image and likeness of God, we each reflect God’s goodness, truth, and beauty in some way. Therefore, attraction, when considered rightly, becomes an invitation to encounter God in another person.
Not so in our culture. Instead of real love that chooses what’s best for another, we often see and experience use. Instead of treating attraction as an invitation to love, sometimes we’re convinced that we only have two approaches to our desires: indulge or repress. Act on every feeling, attraction, desire, regardless of the consequences, OR refuse and stifle all attraction whatsoever.
These options are neither healthy nor effective in leading us to authentic happiness and enjoyment. Because we are made for love, we are made to delight in the beauty and goodness of other people, not to use and be used. Attractions can be a way to enter into that pure delight of another when we remember that we are made for a love that gives instead of takes, a love that sees purely instead of just for one’s own pleasure.
There is no need to fear attractions. When navigated with God’s grace, attraction is a gift. It is a reminder that we are made for others, we are called to sacrifice for others, and we are made to see God in others. Rather than thinking that an attraction means we are doomed to use another or that we must find a way to ignore it or get rid of it, we should really be asking ourselves: How can I allow this attraction to help me see God’s glory in the other person? And then, How can I allow this attraction to help me love others?
We are drawn to God’s goodness, His truth, and His beauty. That is a good thing, and we should rejoice in the gift of being moved by what is good, true, and beautiful. God made attraction, and though our world is fallen and sometimes broken and disordered, God has a purpose and a plan for our attractions. He will use them, no matter how messy they are, for His glory, and for our salvation. We need only pray and trust and try to always love others rightly and purely. Being a beautiful way to encounter God, ultimately attraction is an invitation to love.
