Rape Isn’t All About Sex

What happens in the brain when someone is attacked by a dog? It goes into flight-or-fight mode. Their brain processes the threat in this tiny part of the brain called the amygdala, which recognizes the threat, then sends signals to the rest of the brain and body on how to best respond in order to stay alive. This is exactly what happens when a person is sexually assaulted. 

We live in a culture where violence is normalized, and sadly, where violence is becoming more and more of a reality in both men’s and women’s experiences. On average, there are 433,648 victims (age 12 or older) of rape and sexual assault each year in the United States, meaning that every 73 seconds a man, woman, boy, or girl in the United States is sexually assulted (RAINN 2019). To make this a little more tangible, 1 out of 6 women in the United States has been a victim of attempted or completed rape in their lifetime and 1 in 33 American men have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (RAINN 2019).

I want to begin by clarifying that rape is not at all about sex, but about power. It is never the survivor’s fault, no matter what they wore, their sobriety, or the status of their relationship with the perpetrator. Rape is always the choice to use another person’s body and disregard the value of the human person, and this is one of the most egregious crimes a person can commit against another. Rape is not just a crime against women, but a crime aganist all of humanity. Rape is a form of violence that perverts the goodness of sex, and since it is a distortion of the good, the body has a completely different response to this form of violence. 

Whether it is sexual assault or physical assault, the brain tells the body it must do everything it can do to survive. The body does not react in the same way as it does when sex is consensual. When two people freely choose to engage in sex their brains release the hormone oxytocin. These hormones are released when we receive hugs and handshakes but when created in the sexual act it acts has the strongest force in helping the couple receive one another. Oxytocin is not released when a person is raped, because the body is instead reacting with a stress response in order to survive. The stress causes the body to produce hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, preparing the body to flee or freeze in order to survive. 

I remember learning about all of this my first semester of college and never imagined that I would become that 1 woman in 33 who was raped. If you have also experienced this evil, you are not alone. It is a long process of understanding the unexplainable, reclaiming your voice, and embracing healing and forgiveness. Your experience does not define who you are or who you will become.

I recently read something Saint John Paul II wrote that opened my heart to heal. He wrote how suffering contains a special call to the virtue of perseverance in bearing whatever causes harm. In doing this, we unleash hope, which maintains in us the conviction that suffering will not get the better of us, that it will not deprive us of our dignity as human beings, a dignity linked to awareness of the meaning of life. This meaning makes itself known together with the working of God’s love, which is the supreme gift of the Holy Spirit. The more we share in this love, we rediscover the ‘soul’ we thought we had lost because of suffering (SD,23).

If you do not have a personal connection to sexual assault I ask you to begin to stand up against the way our culture normalizes this form of dehumanization. Begin to call out the ways sexual assault, rape and general violence are ignored in our social justice sytem, trivialized by advertisments, or even made into jokes. We need to stand together for this violence hurts humanity. 

If you’ve been impacted by this form of violence I want you to know that what you choose to do with this wound is powerful whether it is sharing an article on Facebook, writing a poem or even to Congress, sharing your experience with trusted friends, helping others who’ve faced this trauma. You have agency. 

I want you to know that I am fighting for you and I believe in you. You are not alone in carrying this cross. You are important, you are untouchable, you are beautiful, you are valued, you are deserving of respect, and no one can take away this from you. We may not see justice in this culture or in our lifetimes, but know that God hurts with you and is so grateful for your courage to carry this cross with Him. 

Sources:

Pope John Paul II. “Apostolic Letter Salvifici Doloris of the Supreme Pontiff.” Saint Peter’s Basilica, Rome. 11 Feb. 1984. Web 22 Oct. 2019.

Hopper. J. 2019. “Sexual Assault & the Brain.” Web. 22 Oct. 2019.
Out Resilience. 2019. “Sexual Violence Myths & Fact.” Web. 22 Oct. 2019.

Medical Institute. 2015, May. “Oxytocin and Sexual Trauma.” Web.22 Oct. 2019.

RAINN. 2019.“Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics”. Web. 22 Oct. 2019.