Masculinity Through the Eyes of a Woman
For women, masculinity is distinctly felt and recognized. By the same token, the absence of true and authentic masculinity can also be felt by a woman. Let me break it down.
The world would have us believe that masculinity consists of the physical capabilities of a man. That the bigger, the badder, and the stronger one is, that somehow depicts his masculinity. How cheap is that? Does a man’s masculinity deteriorate as he becomes older and his body becomes weak? No. True and authentic masculinity is the call to action, to defend, protect, nourish, and sustain.
I know some may read this and believe that we as a society have lost this, and this idea is but a mere dream. Dream big of the men in your life! Call them higher, because the masculinity in men sometimes can only be ignited by the bravery of a woman who says, “I know you are capable of greatness, and I want you to tap into that and live it out”.
I can’t say my story is indicative of all women, but I can tell you this narrative is common from my perspective. As women we recognize the presence of masculinity as well as the absence. We recognize true and authentic masculinity when it’s in front of our faces. Unfortunately some women won’t experience this till later in life, if ever. If and when they finally meet men who will their good, not for a selfish gain but for a selfless one, it will rock their world because it is something so natural yet so foreign to them. Men can affirm femininity in women in small and big ways: holding the door open for them, offering to lift a heavy bag, offering to do the hard labor so that she can sit back and allow you to lead, defending her when she is seen as a means to an end, etc. I know there are so many great things that men are capable of, and I know it doesn’t stop at the few examples I listed. I also know that a man’s role is not to be of service to women at their beck and call. However, when a man desires to serve a woman even in the smallest ways, it affirms that we are not the same and that is okay. We are different, we are feminine, and those little acts of love in their masculinity affirm our femininity.
Unfortunately, when men choose to not live like this, we women feel the lack of masculinity and believe me, it hurts. This causes us as women to take on a role that was never meant for us. This causes us to bear the burden of being protector, defender, and hero. We rely on ourselves, and sometimes this may result in hurting you men. We become so self reliant that we hurt you by denying your attempts at affirming our femininity.
I could go on about the times I’ve ached for the presence of authentic masculinity in its absence: whether it be when problems arose and it fell on me to protect and lead, or moments when I was doing a task and struggling, only to find I was just watched as I struggled with no offer to help. Or the times when I was degraded, dehumanized, and seen as an object only to look in the eyes of men who didn’t come to my defense and forced me to have to fight for my dignity. This isn’t meant to be a bashing, so much as a realization that we women FEEL the absence of masculinity. We ACHE to know that men will rise up and that when we are in the presence of a man we can feel confident that we won’t have to second guess their ability to rise up. That we won’t have to have a plan B in case or assume a role that was not meant for us.
We women are not weak. We are powerful and we can do amazing things especially when faced with turmoil. However, there is beauty in allowing men to rise to their call and to witness the beauty of complementarity: when we give each other the opportunity to be the men and women God is calling us to be.
Men, your authentic masculinity is needed in this world. When your masculinity is lived out and ordered towards the good it creates a ripple effect in this world. This is a call to women as well. Let’s change the ripple effect to affirm the ways men have affirmed our femininity, because how we respond matters. Let’s make it a positive one!
