What Chastity Has Taught Me
If you haven’t seen Frozen 2, please take the time! Olaf is hilarious and He says a line in the movie that stuck to me, “Did you know that an enchanted forest is a place of transformation? I have no idea what that means but I can’t wait to see what it’s going to do to each one of us!”
All I could remember about my good ole teenage days was being in long-term relationships! And we had no manual on how to date and how to do it the “right way”. My parents had talked to me about little things I should not do and such, but there were no serious conversations and discussions about the bigger topics that my 13-year-old soul needed to hear. So quickly I fell into a lot of lies that magazines like Cosmo or Seventeen would tell me about love and relationships. Following these magazines’ guidelines, I thought I would find authentic love and happiness, and to be completely honest, although there were moments I felt “happy,” I was still longing and seeking for more. It was until college, where I began a serious relationship, that all I wanted was to do things right this time. I didn’t want to fall into the same mistakes as my previous relationship. I looked at this amazing guy God had put in my life and I couldn’t help but thank God. In the first few weeks we began to fall into impurity and it was devastating. I was heart- broken because I knew that I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship again. We attended a retreat and there was a speaker talking about chastity in relationships and all I could think of was, “Man, whatever that is– I suck at it! Could I ever be chaste?” I looked over at my boyfriend and I couldn’t help but feel insecure about myself and feel like I was at a loss when it came to remaining pure. The rest of the day I was so consumed by the talk and by feeling like I knew what the next step was… and that was to break up!
Well, let’s imagine that Myra took her own advice (which she did), and that she succeeded 100% and from that day in 2012 till now she was perfect at living out chastity!? The reality of my story is no, she wasn’t perfect! Far from it actually. Myra continued to fall day in and day out. Why is that? Well, let me tell you, we hear about the virtue of chastity, which means saving sex and all sexually intimate acts for marriage, not because sex is a bad thing, but because it is beautiful and sacred and has a twofold purpose! Well, that’s all I knew about it. I didn’t know that chastity was much more than just saving yourself, but that it encompassed every part of my being, the way I walk, talk, dress, what I watch and listen to, and that it was made so that I can learn to love and love well! Chastity teaches us to see our bodies and what God created in us and in others as a pure gift. And when we can see ourselves and others as a gift we begin to see our dignity and our worth that is something to be cherished and not used for our own pleasure. So when it came down to this battle for purity I felt this huge ache in my heart that chastity is what I was longing for, but I would buy into this lie that I was not made for it. That I didn’t have the courage or the strength that it takes to do it, and that I couldn’t start over. This became my battlefield for four years! It wasn’t until 2016 where I had a moment of realization that the reason I wasn’t succeeding was because I had been trying to do this on my own! I was trying to fight my own battle without help, because I didn’t feel worthy of the help. It was through the sacrament of reconciliation and Mass, which I began going to every Wednesday, that I began to gain the strength I needed. For the first time I was able to allow God into every part of me, and he wasn’t disappointed or angry at me. He helped me clean up my mess and make it beautiful. In 2017, I broke up with the guy I had been holding onto for so long as an emotional pillow, and for the first time said, “God, I am ready to be faithful, give me what it takes” and He did!
What I hope you can take from this is that love is messy, therefore practicing chastity can be messy at times. Is it worth it? 100%! It’s a daily choice. Here are three things chastity has taught me:
1. Don’t think you can attain chastity on your own! You need God’s help! Humility is crucial to recognizing you cannot do it alone. Pray and trust God in the process. Walk with other young women who are also striving to live lives of chastity. They are out there. And speak up and ask someone you trust to walk with you.
2. It’s as much about you as it is about the other person. Chastity taught me to love myself again. It taught me to see my own worth and dignity!
3. Once you begin practicing this virtue, it is never easy, but it becomes a lifestyle and it is one that is worth fighting for. So if you fall and mess up, do not stay there, it’s all about getting back up and trying again!
Like Olaf said, the enchanted forest is a place of transformation, chastity is like this enchanted forest, it is a place of transformation and I encourage you to BE NOT AFRAID and be transformed! Do not give up when it gets hard, but keep on fighting! Real love is worth fighting for! You and I were worth dying for so be assured that you and I were made for this!
Much love fighters,
Myra
