There Are Real Men Who Will Love You
When I’m in the classroom, I get a lot of questions from girls that sound like this: “Why do guys treat girls like they’re stupid?”, “Why do guys treat girls like they’re weak?”, or “Why don’t men respect us?” My heart breaks when I receive questions like this because I know these girls aren’t the only ones asking them. And there’s no answer that explains it away. We don’t have to look far to notice that it seems there is a “war” between the sexes and how this war has played out. Some women, hurting, have turned to heaping that disrespect and rejection right back onto the opposite sex, degrading and lashing out on all men. On the other hand, other women have internalized those lies and feel like there’s something wrong with them. Either way, feelings of shame, inferiority, and disappointment can cloud what is meant to be beautiful between the sexes.
If you’re asking questions like this, I’m sorry. You’re not alone, and you’re made for love that is authentic and pure and respectful. You deserve more.
When I was younger, I often believed that my femininity got in the way of being loved. I felt like boys would never respect me, take me seriously, or look at me purely unless I was more like a guy. Being “one of the guys” was more safe. And less drama, right? No caring about my appearance, no sensitivity, no shopping, makeup, or weakness allowed. No matter how much I tried living this way, though, I felt like I was just being…well… half a woman. And it wasn’t fulfilling. I was frustrated. I still wanted to be loved and admired for my beauty with purity. I realized I needed healing.
I was lucky enough to have someone close to me in college who helped me through my healing along with God. I learned that there was nothing wrong with me, that I could be patient and gentle with myself and learn my worth day by day. It was beautiful! Because of those encounters with God, I’m more free now, and I still grow into this every day.
Ladies, I write this to say that I understand you when you ask these questions. I understand if you feel afraid. I understand if you feel like you won’t be taken seriously if you’re beautiful, or if you are afraid of the way some men look at you with lust. It’s never okay for men to treat women this way, but it’s also not all men. Our culture portrays masculinity in some pretty messed up ways, but masculinity and men are actually never the problem. You were hurt by individuals, and there are real men out there who are ready to love you authentically.So, ladies… please don’t give up hope. Punch a pillow, cry it out, seek out the help of a counselor if you need to, but please don’t sit in your anger and disappointment. God will lead you to healing and forgiveness if you’re willing. And that’s so much more fun, anyways! Forgiveness doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter, but that you’re letting go of feelings of revenge. If you really want it, you can learn the goodness and beauty of who you are by asking God to show you. He will be your rock when no one else seems to get it. Remember that you are a gift as a woman, and nothing will ever change that.
