Don’t Stay in The Grey
Have you ever heard or uttered the following phrases?
“We’re talking, but I don’t know what’s going on.”
“We hang out all the time and have a thing, but neither of us is making moves.”
“We’ve been seeing each other for a while, but I don’t know what we are.”
If you have, welcome to the Grey Area. Look, no one really wants to be here – it’s confusing! Let’s shed some light on this issue to help combat this puzzling concept.
What exactly is the Grey Area? Basically, it’s a period in a relationship where there’s a lack of clarity on where each person stands and a label hasn’t been defined. During this phase we try to figure out what’s going on, but even the terminology we use leaves room for ambiguity. Using phrases like “talking”,”hanging out”, “having a thing”, and “seeing each other” add to the cloudiness of it all. Seriously, what do those even mean?!
It’s crazy that this is the new norm. People think this is part of the journey as they develop a romantic interest. They believe we have to go through these stages to get to dating and a defined relationship. Talk about a complex beginning!
In reality, no one is happy about it. People get triggered when the Grey Area comes up because there is so much frustration surrounding it. Everyone wants clarity, but no one believes it to be possible.
But what if there is an alternative? What if there is a way to navigate this awkward in-between phase when we like someone? What would that look like? Well, let’s take a look at some possible solutions. The following action items have the potential to karate kick this Grey Area out of our lives! They’re broken down into two common places the Grey Area likes to sneak in: (1) in the initial stages and (2) in between dating and a relationship.
- Grey Area in Initial Stages
Feels are caught. Communication is frequent. Hanging out is the norm. What do you do? Talk about it. Express your feelings. Then, ask for a date: “Will you go on a date with me?” If you’re hoping for a simple answer, this is it. Granted, if you’re looking for it to be easy, that may not be the case. Look, we are never going to get out of the “talking” and “hanging out” phase if we never bring up the desire to move forward with the other person. So in the words of Shia LaBeouf, “JUST DO IT!”
- Grey Area in between Dating and A Relationship
You’ve been on a few dates, maybe even a lot of dates. You’ve also actually used the word “date”. You are defeating societal norms already, congratulations! Now what? The Grey Area might be creeping up as you try to navigate what’s next. Where is the other person at? Are the feelings mutual? Do you move forward and define the relationship?
A really great place for these things to come up is in a conversation. It’s this profound thing where you both bring your thoughts, wants, needs, and desires to the table. From there, you can determine if progressing into a committed relationship is the best decision. If you choose to move forward, there should be a point in that conversation where things are made official. “Will you be my girlfriend?” may sound cheesy, but it’s clear and concise. However you approach it, make sure you leave the conversation knowing if you are in a relationship or not.
Before we wrap up, let’s pause for a second to address any anxieties or hesitations. These steps might seem daunting because they require a great deal of vulnerability and honesty. There’s a fear going into these moments because we are never 100% certain how the other person may respond. Sometimes it may seem easier to stay in the Grey Area rather than put ourselves out there. But if we really do desire to move forward, we have to take the risk. Don’t let this responsibility fall completely on the other person – you have some control too! Honestly, they might be waiting for you to say something, so rein in the worries and have courage!
The only way we are going to get out of the Grey Area is by asking the bold questions and having vulnerable conversations. There is no magic solution, so buckle up and do it. That may be difficult, but think about this: If we aren’t willing to initiate and have important conversations at the beginning of a relationship, how do we expect to do it when we are in one? Let that fuel your pursuit so you don’t have to stay in the grey!
