To The Woman Who Broke My Heart

Dear Sister,

I am sorry. I’m sorry for not loving you for the fullness of who you are during our relationship.

I’m sorry for the moments I desired you for only how you satisfied me, and not just for the goodness of who you are.

I’m sorry for not respecting what you wanted and needed during the break up and after it.

I’m sorry for not affirming your dignity after our relationship ended, and for not trying to see you as God sees you.

I’m sorry I did not love you in these small, unseen, and unknown ways.

I pray that you may know happiness, love, satisfaction, and joy in your life. I pray that you may experience healing in the areas of your life that may need it, and for all those a part of your life in anyway.

Finally, I pray for you. I pray for the goodness you possessed before, during, and after our relationship and that it may be seen, known, loved, and reverenced by all those around you in your life. Your inherent dignity does not change, and I pray you are secure in knowing that fully.

I hope life is well, and that one day we may cross paths again.

In Christ,

Sam.

Listen, breakups are never easy. Absolutely not. If they are easy, then I kind of question whether the relationship had any significance to you. If your breakup is hard, then that’s normal. It’s a loss in your life. It’s never easy to see people leave that you never thought would or never wanted to.

Breakups and loss, in general, leave our emotions pretty messy. They can range from sad to funny, despairing, or hopeful. These emotions can make it real easy to look at the other person in the relationship with anger or envy (especially if we were the ones broken up with).

Yet, just like with everything, we are called to live our lives within order. As soon as something comes unhinged, the whole thing can come apart! This is so true in times of deep emotional responses and comes often with loss from breakups. I know I felt this a tremendous amount from my last relationship, and it took me quite some time to be able to heal and pray for the other person.

Yet, it is so important to get to that point where we’re able to pray for the other person and wish the best for them because, guess what, they have the same dignity and value that we do. Spoiler alert, they’re still deserving of love! You are deserving of a love that goes beyond the pain of the breakup, and the other person is deserving of a love that calls them to live out higher forms of virtue.

So, how can we do this, especially when this loss is fresh? I have a few practicals to help with that:

1. Turn to your friends and community. These are going to be the people that help remind YOU of your dignity and value, which will naturally make it easier to love the other person and desire the best for them.
2. Keep perspectives in mind. There are two sides to every relationship, and just because one person is struggling afterwards doesn’t mean the other person isn’t! Keep this in mind as we all have our own sufferings that many others don’t know about.
3. Pray for their future spouse (or vocation). Man, is this the hard one, but it’s so worth it. Pray that whoever your ex is meant to be with in their life is able to love them in a Christ-like manner. This way, you’re able to practice what real, authentic love looks like, so that you’re better able to love in the future.