So You Like Him. Now What?

“Does he like me or not?! I like him, but I don’t know how I could make it any clearer!” Ladies, maybe you’ve found yourself venting similar frustrations or asking the simple question, “How can I show him that I’m interested?” If so, as a member of the male species, I’m happy to offer whatever insight I can.

I want to clarify one thing right out of the gate: what I hope to share is not a remedy for immature men. This means that although what I share may be helpful regarding men who are more prepared to enter into a dating relationship, not all men are there yet.

I’ll explain more about that as I go, but, for now, let’s jump right into it! Let’s say you met this guy at your campus’ Newman Center. He’s funny and good looking and you find yourself developing an attraction to him. That’s all good, but how are you supposed to show him that?

First, we have to lay down the groundwork.

1. Check your intentions. This is something I encourage everyone to do before pursuing a dating relationship. Reflect on your desire for this relationship and be honest with yourself. Are you looking to date because you feel bored or lonely? Are you still healing from another heartbreak? Do you have the time to commit to a serious relationship? These are just some of several important questions to reflect on before moving forward.
2. Don’t project your desires. This means that although a guy seems nice or has a few attractive qualities, he may not be healthy to date. Just because he checks a few boxes on your “Mr. Right” list doesn’t mean he automatically checks them all. It’s important to examine him through the lens of reality, as opposed to the lens of assumption. This also means that you shouldn’t date him just because you see what he can become. At that point you’d be dating a project, not a person.
3. Build a healthy friendship. This can be tough to do in situations where you find yourself attracted to a person right away, but it is so beneficial in the long run. See how he interacts in group settings, how he treats other women around him, and what his desires are. Getting to know him as a friend may prove to be very revealing.

With that said, it’s time for the practicals. You’ve gone through the steps above and now it’s time to express interest.

1. Be clear. I believe that a man should be the one to initiate in a relationship; however, this does not mean that you cannot drop hints. Unfortunately, many hints will go over a man’s head or he may find himself too scared to act on them; either scenario is obviously not desirable. So when it comes to hints, set healthy boundaries for yourself and make them as clear as possible. For example, if he mentions an interesting hobby or passion you could respond with, “I’d love to hear more about that sometime.”
2. Show him he’s welcome. This means inviting him along from time to time when you and your friends do something fun or inviting him to attend Mass with you all. These are simple things that can be done in a group for the sake of accountability and demonstrate that his presence is wanted. Until he asks you out on a date, I’d also recommend that any exclusive time together be kept to a minimum. This is helpful for the sake of defining the relationship.
3. Allow yourself to be pursued. Waiting for him to initiate can often be an exhausting process, but, if you’ve gone about it properly, it’ll be worth it. A man has to be able to lead in a relationship. This is a defining characteristic of any good husband or father. So let him take initiative, let him plan the date, give him opportunities to make decisions, and allow yourself to be revered in this way. Maybe the first date doesn’t meet your expectations, but at least you get a chance to see if he’s trying and, therefore, deserving of an opportunity to pursue you further.

I just want to reiterate that this is not a guaranteed system. It’s just my insight from a man’s perspective. Nonetheless, I can say this for certain: My sister, you are good and deserving of love. A man’s failure to pursue you properly does not change that. Be patient and trust that healthy boundaries don’t scare good men away, rather they challenge them to love you properly! As a man who has been called on in this way, I can firmly stand by that statement. NEVER settle for less!