I Like Her. Now What?

“I want you to walk up to her, give her a compliment, then…just walk away.” Gentleman, it’s that easy. Or at least that’s what Mrs. Parker-Nichols from Drake & Josh had me believe when I was just a little Erick. 

As silly as that may sound, I believed this would actually work for many of my teenage years. You like her? Just play it cool, pretend that she doesn’t even exist, and eventually she’ll come running.

Just writing that makes me cringe. What’s worse, however, is that so many guys still subscribe to this method and a whole host of other cliches or downright childish practices for expressing interest in a woman. I think it’s time for a reality check. 

All jokes aside, at one point or another you’ve probably met someone and, after getting to know her, started to develop feelings. In those moments, so many questions can begin to race through our minds. I want to take this time, however, to focus in on the one I hinted at above: How do I show her that I’m interested?

I want to preface this by saying that each relationship is unique and may require some personal adjustments. These are things that I’ve found helpful. However, I feel these are not always common knowledge. So, without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Check your intentions. Before we even begin the process of pursuing this woman we have to take our personal intentions into consideration. Ask yourself why and be honest. Why do I desire a relationship with her? Is this desire rooted in love and a genuine desire to get to know her? Or is it rooted in the fact that I feel lonely, bored, or pressured? Perhaps the greater act of love is to choose friendship over an unhealthy dating relationship.
2. Be intentional. It can be very easy to fall into the whole “we’re talking” phase of a relationship. This usually entails a lot of flirting and no action. Now this can be because we like the attention, but don’t want the commitment or simply out of fear. Regardless, it isn’t healthy to get stuck there. If you find yourself in this situation I would encourage you to talk with this person and define the relationship.
3. Take initiative. Now that you’ve reflected on and directed your intentions, it’s time to take action! You can start simple, but the goal is clarity. For example, you can invite her along when you spend time with a good group of friends; preferably both men and women to ease the pressure. This will give you a chance to get to know her and build a solid friendship. From there you can take the leap and ask her out on a date. (This means actually using the word “date” to avoid confusion and suggesting a time/day.)
4. Plan it out. Now that you’ve asked the question it’s time to start planning. The first few dates should be simple, but intentional. Dress appropriately. You should be out in a public space and somewhere that allows you to give her your full attention. Continue to build the relationship in a healthy way; she isn’t your girlfriend after just one date. Although it’s best to keep it simple, little things like the way you carry yourself, reverence her, and take time to plan can say a lot.

Now I know this can seem like a complicated answer to that simple question, but we have to start from scratch. Dating culture today can be extremely confusing and in many ways it needs to be restored. I’ve known women who have felt like a guy wasn’t actually interested in them despite having gone on several dates and this shouldn’t be the case.

At the end of the day it comes down to clarity. Clarity can be terrifying, but also extremely liberating. The relationship will inevitably change after you express how you feel and that is something we have to be ready for.

That, my brothers, shouldn’t stop you from pursuing her though. Be honest with both her and yourself. If she expresses a mutual interest then see where it leads. If not, it isn’t the end of the world; it just means you’re one step closer to your vocation.