I Am Not the Sum of my Achievements
What’s your name? Have you ever stopped to consider how something as simple as your name can carry so much significance? We don’t choose it, we don’t assign it a meaning, but we do recognize the weight it can carry.
My full name is Erick Omar Marquez. The name Erick has Norse roots and it’s most common meaning is something along the lines of “ever or eternal ruler” due to its association with royalty. Omar, depending on where it is derived from, can mean “life or long living” or “eloquent speaker” if looked at from a biblical perspective.
Now a name like that is something that many people would be proud of; but, the truth is, I didn’t like my name growing up. I remember playing Pokemon on my Game Boy when I was in middle school and naming my character after my friend instead of myself. Or, in elementary school, desperately wanting the nickname “Ace” to stick despite how unrealistic that desire actually was.
It took years for me to finally accept my name and it was only recently that I started to piece together why I wrestled with it for so long. You see, growing up I placed so much emphasis on my achievements and talents. My grades, my athletic ability, and my artistic skills meant everything to me.
Over time I began to place my identity in these things. I was a good student, a skilled athlete, and a talented artist, but that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that I began to place my self worth in those things. This eventually led me to comparison.
Although I was good at these things, I knew there were people out there who were better; including my friends and classmates. Instead of using that as motivation to work harder, however, I began to view myself as less. My identity had become so rooted in these things that my very name became a source of shame.
By the time I hit high school I had gotten pretty good at hiding this, but the negative thoughts never truly left me. This was my reality until around my senior year. It was on a weekend retreat that winter that I began to discover the truth about who I was.
That weekend, the walls of my heart were slowly coming down and for the first time, kneeling in front of the blessed sacrament, I experienced a love that would radically change my life. I learned that my truest identity was not found in the things that I did or achieved and that love was not something I had to earn. This truth was so liberating and, although it took time, was the beginning of a beautiful healing process.
Maybe this is something that you can resonate with. Do you ever find yourself placing your identity in your achievements, your work, or the things of this world? If so, don’t despair! You are not alone in this battle!
In fact, here are some helpful tips to combat these temptations:
- Recognize your dignity! You are a beloved son or daughter of God created in His image and likeness! Something as simple as a post-it note reminder on your mirror or a letters of affirmation from a good friend can also be a great place to start! If you’re up for a challenge though, I’d also recommend trying to say three kind things about yourself daily/weekly.
- Learn to enjoy the journey! This means learning how to be content with where you are and what you’ve accomplished. This by no means implies being complacent, but learning to love yourself and detach from expectations takes time. Enjoy the process and learn to be okay in the day to day!
- Pray often! Give yourself the space and time to be reminded by God himself just how amazing and loved you truly are. Your worth in His eyes is unrivaled by anything this world has to offer! Pray for the ability to see yourself in the same way that He does.
Just as a final reminder, your worth is not defined by the things you do or the titles you have. You are a gift and your existence is no accident. I can guarantee that there is someone out there who, upon hearing your name, is filled with joy and comfort. Live with that truth in your heart and recognize how good you truly are!
