Do I REALLY Need Girl Friends?
Sometimes it seems easier to have all guy friends than to invest in relationships with other women. Let’s be real, they’re usually less drama, their words are never veiled with hidden meanings or insults and if they do get into an argument, they throw a few punches and then are back to being best friends before dinner. While friends with the opposite sex are so important, we also need authentic women’s community. Women’s community is a place where women can come, take off their masks of “everything is perfect” and grow together. There’s something so comforting about a woman intimately understanding another woman’s experience. But if you’re anything like me, the phrase women’s community can be a little intimidating. I haven’t always had quality girlfriends and more often than not, sharing my heart equated to giving a woman ammo to hurt me. So why the heck would I be vulnerable just to allow another human being to hurt me?
Sister, it’s not meant to be that way and if this narrative has been written into your story, I’m sorry. You deserve authentic women’s community. I understand your struggle and reservation. I promise authentic women’s community is possible and it is out there. It took many tries and tears but I eventually found a community of women who not only know the real me but loved me for it. I can genuinely stand before you today and say the trial and error of finding authentic community was worth it. If women’s community is something you’re interested in, what’s the next step? How do you make it happen?
1. Pray for the community
Unfortunately, women’s community rarely just appears in front of us. More often than not we have to seek it out. Share your desire for a community of women with the Lord. He cares about what you care about and knows the desires of your heart so why don’t you just #SpeakYourNeeds ? Praying for community will also grant you more clarity in exactly what kind of women’s community you’re looking for.
2. Create opportunities
Sister, you need to be bold. Invite that girl you think is super cool to hang out with you. Take a risk and try to create community. I bet there are women around you who desire the EXACT SAME kind of community that you do. By being bold, creating a platform and inviting others to join you in intentional community might seem intimidating but it also means you are one step closer to finding your sisterhood.
3. Be prudent but vulnerable
You will meet girls who betray the trust that you have given to them. Maybe they don’t know any better. You don’t have to be best friends with every person you meet but you also can’t be closed off to every woman you meet. Be prudent about what you share and how you share your heart with other women. It’s also important to recognize that everytime you share and are vulnerable, you are taking a risk. C.S. Lewis once said,
“ To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable”
Yes, women’s community requires risk but I promise you that risk is worth it. The pain of having my heart broken in the past pales in comparison to the deep friendships I have today with women who I took the risk with or who took the risk with me.
Be courageous. Be vulnerable. Create your women’s community.
