What Taylor Swift Taught Me About Break-Ups
“As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another picture to burn.”
Taylor Swift fanatic or not, I bet a good number of you just sang this well-known lyric in your head, maybe even out loud! Either way, I’m sure all of us could come up with more than a few other lyrics like it – breaking up is an incredibly popular song topic.
If we were to compile and analyze all break up songs ever written, how many do you suppose would have a positive attitude towards the other person? Very few, I would imagine.
I get it, you just broke up! Of course there’s going to be emotions, and many times these emotions tend toward anger and resentment.
And this blog isn’t about telling you not to be angry. Allowing yourself to feel is a healthy part of healing! I do want to challenge you, however, to take an honest look past those clench-fisted feelings.
“He/she was such a jerk anyway!” “They weren’t worth your time.” “You deserve better!”
Sound familiar? A classic consolation speech of sorts from your posse after a break up. But is this the full picture? Sure, maybe they didn’t always treat you as you deserved, but let’s be honest: you did like them for at least a while. You were in a relationship with them after all!
If we don’t take a deep breath and a fresh, hard look at the full picture, we’re bound to repeat this cycle over and over and over again. Not ideal. Allow me to explain.
I love Taylor, and a “watch me strike a match on all my wasted time” attitude can definitely be appealing. But I think it can be far more healing if we choose to spend some time learning from the experience, rather than quickly discounting it as a mistake and never looking back.
So what should we do? Maybe Taylor didn’t quite get it right in Picture to Burn, but let’s see what insight we can find in a few of her other heart-throbbing titles.
“I’m wonderstruck, blushing all the way home . . . This is me praying that this was the very first page, not where they story line ends / My thoughts will echo your name until I see you again.” “Come feel this magic I’ve been feeling since I met you / Can’t help it if there’s no one else / Mmm I can’t help myself.”
Sounds cute, but hey – you just met! We can be quick to create a dreams-come-true idol out of someone in the early stages of a relationship. This will of course lead to disappointment down the road once we discover this person isn’t the image we painted them up to be! Might this be part of the explanation? If so, working on emotional chastity may bring about healthier, happier next relationship.
“My mind forgets to remind me you’re a bad idea.” “I knew you were trouble when you walked in.” “And I’d be smart to walk away, but you’re quicksand / This slope is treacherous / This path is reckless / This slope is treacherous / And I, I, I like it” “And I should just tell you to leave ‘cuz I / Know exactly where it leads but I / Watch it go round and round each time.”
Sometimes we have a gut feeling, even a blatant knowledge that we should get out of a relationship, but we stick around. It feels good to be liked, perhaps exciting to feel rebellious, but is it really worth the impending heartbreak? If this has ever been you, hopefully you can learn from your mistakes quicker than Taylor did. (“I should have known / that I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairy tale.”)
“I was there when you said forever and always. You didn’t mean it, baby.” “I miss you and I swear I’m going to change, trust me / Remember how that lasted for a day?” “I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules every day.”
How can Taylor not see the red flags? Well, as some of you may know, it’s often much hazier when you’re the one “caught up” in a relationship. Of course, we always have 20/20 vision in hindsight, but we can still learn a thing or two for next time. Do you need to raise your standards, expect greater respect? Always recognizing that no one is perfect, of course. Did any of your family or friends cue you into these warning signs? If so, did you ignore them? Perhaps you owe them greater trust, and maybe an apology, too.
Bottom line: breaking up is never enjoyable. But if we can work past the Teardrops on My Guitar and truly examine the ways in which we might have gotten ahead of ourselves, been blinded, or settled for less than we deserve, we can decrease our chance of heartbreak in the future. Not only that, but we will find ourselves one step closer to “just say yes” to our own Love Story that will last. Thanks, Taylor Swift!
