Kissing: Love or Lust?

Let’s talk about kissing…

Kind of a fun topic, huh? 

As a girl who always loves to know the right thing to do, I found myself looking for guidelines in my new relationship when it came to kissing. I wanted answers to my questions. How do we love our significant other purely and authentically when it comes to kissing? 

First of all, has anyone ever told you that a kiss means something??? Let’s start here.

Our body speaks a language, and its important to know what it is saying so we can truly be honest through our actions. 

A kiss means something beautiful. It says that you honor, love, and respect the significant person in your life as a gift to be cherished and reverenced. There is an element of mystery when it comes to kissing. The gift of our sexuality is a gift, and it’s a powerful gift! We have a responsibility to have a healthy reverence and respect toward it. 

Let’s get real here—there is a whole spectrum of what a kiss can look like. There is a big difference between an affectionate kiss and extended kissing that leads to arousal. 

If I gently kiss my boyfriend on the lips or cheek, that’s just absolutely precious! I see him as a gift, and I give the gift of my kiss to him out of love and admiration. It is given with a heart of trust and selfless gift—always keeping in mind that he is not my husband yet. 

Making out leads to sexual frustration

Making out is a completely different ball game. From a biological standpoint, making out is preparing the body for sex…and it generally doesn’t take as long for men as for women. So instead of an affectionate kiss that says “I love you,” making out turns into using another for one’s own pleasure, losing sight of the reverence owed to your significant other. Making out leads to sexual frustration…and I don’t know about you but I’m not looking for frustration in my relationship!

Is it fair to kiss in a way that prepares the body for sex, but not be able to give yourself fully? Making out in a dating relationship hurts the other because it is jumping on a train  that gets faster and faster and faster, becoming increasingly harder to jump off! That can hurt. Both of you. 

Making out before marriage is a form of use.

I know this can be hard to hear, but I want to encourage you to learn what it means to love authentically in the reality of where you are at in life. If you are dating, then love like a dating person. If you are married, then love like a married person! It does look different. 

I want to share a few tips that have been helpful for me in my life when it comes to kissing:

1. Communication. You and your boyfriend need to be on the same page! Work together as a team to hold each other responsible. Let this commitment be a way that you love each other! Is it awkward to talk about? Maybe. But I can promise you, it will draw you closer and allow you to love in a more authentic way. That’s what dating is meant to be—a team effort to grow in committed love, virtue, and trust!
2. Know yourself, know your significant other, and avoid situations that are tempting.  That’s just being smart, and humble enough to know that we are human. 
3. Be creative and intentional in your dates and the ways you spend time together. Go out and DO things. Let your time of dating be an adventure of love and respect that will set an amazing foundation! Discover your hobbies together, be active, and include family and friends.
4. Pray. We need the grace of God to purify our intentions and our actions. Go to our Mother Mary and ask her to wrap you in her mantle of love and purity. Ask the Holy Family to show you what it means to love in a selfless way. Joseph and Mary will intercede on your behalf!

Never get discouraged! Chastity is a life-long journey, and it is possible. Stay humble and pursue authentic love with your whole heart. Let’s bring back reverence in kissing! And let’s never forget that even a kiss means something—something sacred and precious.