I Don’t Want to Feel This Way: Tips for Healing After a Breakup
A short while ago my team had to do a 2 hour commute to get to a parish that we had been invited to speak at. To pass the time, we decided to jump on The Culture Project’s Instagram account to answer questions from our followers. We received a bevy of different questions ranging from “What does mission life look like?” to “What kind of music do you listen to?” and everything in between.
Of all the amazing questions that were asked, however, one in particular really stuck with me. I cannot recall the exact wording, but it boiled down to this: “How do you handle a breakup and the emotions that come with it so that you’re not depressed all the time?” I answered it; however, I felt that a 15 second video did not do the question justice.
There is so much that could be said about this topic and I want to take the time to do that now. I do want to preface this though by saying that this is not a guaranteed method for getting over a breakup. This is simply what I have found helpful based on my experience with the subject.
The first thing that comes to mind when I read that question is the why; also known as the “…so you’re not depressed all the time” part of the question. I have seen this mentality creeping up that we are not supposed to feel anything after a breakup. Some express this by putting up a facade of toughness and others by hiding the emotions entirely.
We cannot be afraid of our emotions though! Yes, I agree that this can be difficult; however, processing those emotions is an essential aspect of the healing process. Pretending that they do not exist will only hinder us.
With that said, the next point I would like to touch on is time. Healing after a breakup takes time and some of us may need more than others. So be intentional about giving yourself adequate time to process everything.
This also means that we should not be pursuing another relationship if we have not adequately healed from the previous breakup. I have seen so many people jump from one relationship to the next without giving themselves the proper time and space and it almost always results in more hurt and confusion. We must be patient with ourselves and the process if we hope to reconcile with everything that happened.
Finally, I would encourage everyone to pray through this process. God does not delight in seeing us hurt; however, He will not force us to speak to Him. We have to invite Him into those situations.
One of my favorite childhood characters, Winnie the Pooh, once said; “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” Thank God for that relationship and the joy it brought you. Ask Him to help you understand your emotions as well.
Some also struggle to see their worth after a breakup. God is more than happy to remind us of our infinite value and His infinite love for us! Again, we just have to let Him do so.
So, in summary:
- Let yourself feel what you need to feel.
- Give yourself the time and space to feel it.
- Pray through the process!
These moments can be so difficult. I would be lying if I said that my past breakup did not have an effect on me. However, I learned so much along the way. Stay strong and trust in His plan!
