Social Distancing vs Social Isolation: Your Field Guide to Cultivating Communion
The human person is not created for isolation. We are made for communion. Physically, psychologically, and spiritually, we flourish as human beings when we have a sense of greater connection to others, and to the world around us! During this time of quarantine, let’s fight to keep social distancing from becoming synonymous with social isolation. I’m not talking about isolation as a medical practice, but isolation as the personal experience of feeling alone and disconnected. How can we fight against isolation? By cultivating practices of communion with God, ourselves, and others, even from within our homes.
There are not a lot of times in history in which the entire world has unified around something. But, right now, we are all in this together! The whole of humanity is putting aside their differences to take distancing measures that can protect the most vulnerable among us. That is pretty beautiful when you think about it. People all over the world are experiencing similar struggles. You are not alone in feeling alone. My hope is that the following tips can help you make this a time of meaning and communion!
Love the ones you’re with!
Community is the school of love. If you share a home with family or friends, now is the time to let intentional community blossom! Don’t pass each other by. Share life together and invest in your relationships more than ever before. Prioritize time with one another before hopping on to online communities. Try discussing love languages, personality types, favorite books, or topics that haven’t come up yet. Ask questions, work on communication, and seek to understand the hearts of your loved ones in a new way. Intentionally share life together. This can be in small ways, such as preparing meals together, or in more creative ways, such as having artistic adventures or themed activity nights! Let your brains go wild! We learn more about others through sharing new experiences with them. Finally, find small and big ways that you can love and serve during this time, and practice those. Being close to the same people for an extended period gives us the chance to learn how to love them unlike ever before!
Use social media to foster community and relationship!
Social media allows us to connect with those distanced from us more than ever before! I have found that the most connecting forms of media are the ones that allow us to most fully share our presence with one another. Reach out to those you love to remind them that they are not alone! In general, video chatting is more meaningful than calling is more meaningful than texting. We can more completely connect others when we can see their facial expressions and hear the fluctuations of their voices. We can get creative by finding activities to do together, even from separate places, such as doing the same painting tutorial, touring a museum online, or playing Words With Friends! We can find online communities that connect us to information that we consistently find meaningful, or to inspirational live streams. We can harness the power of technology to keep our relationships growing.
Establish technology boundaries that facilitate AUTHENTIC connection.
While technology has the incredible capacity to help us connect, it can fuel disconnection if we allow it to remove us from reality or meaningful relationships. Here are just a few suggestions of what healthy technology boundaries can look like:
- Prioritize real relationships. Use your screens primarily to connect with people you know in real life, rather than to consume copious amounts of anonymous content. In particular, put away screens when the people you are living with are present! In this way, you can make yourself available to the most authentic connection possible.
- Consume mindfully. Recognize that bingeing on media does not empower you to live the abundant life you desire. Entertainment can be great, but moderation is essential for what we consume to remain authentically entertaining! Monitor what apps you are using the most, and notice which ones are not proving to be a fulfilling use of your time.
- Live outside of online. If we were to live our entire lives online during this time, we would deprive ourselves of the chance to more deeply get in touch with ourselves, God, and the people we live with. Designate certain hours of your day or rooms of your house to be screen-free. Don’t fear times of silence. They might just be refreshing.
Stay connected with yourself!
Use this time to dive into discovering the gift you are! With constant news bombarding us, we can be so caught up in things outside of ourselves that we can forget to check in on our own hearts, minds, and bodies. The Lord has created us with great dignity, therefore, we should tend to our own bodies and souls. Take the time to assess your physical, spiritual, and mental needs. What helps YOU live fully alive? I’ve found that daily movement is essential for me to feel in-tune with my body. Stretching, walking, or dancing help me to physically flourish. I notice that I thrive when I am learning new skills, languages, or art forms (there are so many books and online resources that can help us do this during this time)! I notice that journaling, conversing, and praying particularly feed my heart, and that I flourish the most mentally when I practice mindfulness.
Much of our society’s loneliness and lack of peace is a symptom of a culture of constant busyness. With so many activities suspended, let’s take a step back from feeling like we have to rush through life. Let’s slow down to be mindful… consider our feelings, notice the lives of others, and savor our experiences. Guided exercises can help us learn how to do this. Since mindfulness helps us feel more connected to the world around us, forming this habit now might be invaluable.
Rest in the presence of the Lord!
What better time than this for retreat? The Lord makes Himself present to us at all times, and we can use our extra time and stillness to more deeply cultivate our relationship with his love, and to pray for all those who need our prayers. Invite Christ into your life in a renewed way. Ask the Lord new questions and listen for his voice. Make a home chapel or designated prayer space in your home. Learn more about your faith. Invite others into devotions such as the Rosary or into studying the Bible (these can be done on video chat)! Many organizations are live streaming devotions like these to cultivate a sense of greater community. Even with public masses being suspended, you can still hold fast to the Eucharist through participating in daily Mass online or by reading daily readings and reflections and making an act of spiritual communion. Starting off each day with prayer in my home community has been such a blessing for me so far. God deeply desires to be present to us during this time. Will we be present to Him?
Embrace intentionality through goal-setting and routine!
Honesty time. As news ballooned about quarantine measures and virus concerns, I immediately hopped on Instagram to cope for the rest of the day, then rushed through my daily prayers. Here’s the kicker: I’m fasting from Instagram and focusing on deeper daily prayer for Lent! As I went to bed that night, I was struck with a sobering realization; my first instinct upon realizing my lack of control with everything going on was to throw my intentional practices out the window. Like, what?! It was so easy for my mind to justify breaking my intentions in the midst of my panic. Panic describes a state of uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often resulting in unthinking behavior. Conversely, intentionality describes being purposeful and thinking through our actions. Looking at these descriptions, it is pretty clear to see how intentionality can temper panic.
Now is the time to be intentional… to control what we can so we can surrender the rest. Let’s not allow fear to lower our moral standards or our efforts to always strive forward! One way to follow through with this is to write down our goals each day, and reflect on them regularly. This can be a time of progress towards our goals and towards virtue rather than idleness! I have quickly realized that putting a routine in place is critical for me if I want to remain in a place of intentionality. I highly encourage you to sit with the question, “What is a routine that boosts me towards the life I want to live and the person I want to become?”, then to get realistic, creative, and practical about what your days can look like.
Live in the LIGHT!
Firstly, turn on the lights! Studies have shown that any negative effects of isolation are much more pronounced if we don’t expose ourselves to daylight.1 Expose yourself to the sun outside! Open up the windows, and turn on the lights when you are not sleeping. This promotes healthy sleep-wake cycles, activity, and routine.
Secondly, be the light! Turn on the light of your optimism. Ephesians 5:8 says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light.” Optimism does not mean ignoring hard realities, but being open to the positive possibilities around us. Optimism means remaining hopeful. It fosters creativity in the midst of our trials and always searches for meaning. In fact, those with a spirit of optimism are more likely to experience meaningful personal growth following adversity.2 That’s right, times of difficulty have the potential to leave us better people than before!
Put measures in place to keep isolation from inflaming personal temptations.
It can be very tempting to turn to various areas of comfort to temporarily escape feelings of fear, aloneness, or boredom, especially if there is no one around to see us. But while addictions to pornography or inordinate relationships with social media, shopping, or food might temporarily feel like relief, they will leave us feeling more isolated than before. I want to focus briefly on the issue of pornography, especially since the porn industry is working hard to capitalize off of consumers during this time.
A recent study found that with loneliness, the likelihood of porn use increased.3 But what was even a stronger relationship was that with porn use, loneliness increased. People felt even more disconnected from the people in their lives than before. Pornography use begets loneliness, and loneliness begets pornography use. My dear brothers and sisters: it is NEVER too late to stop a cycle you might be caught in. Embrace measures such as internet filters, accountability software (such as Covenant Eyes), and further education (check out Fight the New Drug). Create practical habits like leaving technology out of your room or even turning off the wifi at a certain time of the evening. Ultimately, the goal is to foster authentic connection.
Stay rooted in TRUTH.
You may have heard the phrase, “No man is an island.” The phrase comes from the English poet John Donne and refers to our interconnectedness with each other and God. While no man is an island, we can be made to feel like we are. In fact, the word “isolate” stems from the Latin word meaning “island.” With physical separation, we should be aware that isolating lies may try to creep in. These might sound like, “I’m all alone in this” or “Nobody understands me”. Let’s root ourselves in the truth that we are not alone and don’t have to do it alone. Let’s root ourselves in verified news updates, and not fret about rumors. Finally, let’s root ourselves in the Word of God.
Know that times of trial produce great SAINTS!
Immerse yourself in any of the stories of the Saints, such as St. Maximillian Kolbe or St. John Paul the Great, to inspire you towards greatness in ordinary and extraordinary ways. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says: Therefore, we are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal.
No matter what happens, virtue, community, hope, and love aren’t toilet paper – they will never go out of stock. Let us love!
Cites:
- Robinson, S. (2019, February 3). Isolation Has Profoundly Creepy Effects on The Human Body And Brain. Here’s What Happens. Retrieved from https://www.sciencealert.com/isolation-has-profound-effects-on-the-human-body-and-brain-here-s-what-happens
- Haidt, J. (2006). The happiness hypothesis: Putting ancient wisdom and philosophy to the test of modern science. Arrow Books: London.
- Mark H. Butler, Samuel A. Pereyra, Thomas W. Draper, Nathan D. Leonhardt & Kevin B. Skinner (2018) Pornography Use and Loneliness: A Bidirectional Recursive Model and Pilot Investigation, Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 44:2, 127-137, DOI: 10.1080/0092623X.2017.1321601
