Chastity makes relationships boring?

“But won’t chastity make a relationship boring?” You should have seen the look of surprise on my face when a student asked me this during a Q&A session. I smiled, looked at him and said,”Thank you for asking that. I can say from personal experience that chastity will not make a relationship boring. It will actually make it so much more exciting!” 

But before I go on, what do I mean by chastity? Chastity means saving sex and all sexually intimate acts until marriage. It doesn’t say no sex all together. It’s not a bunch of restrictions and rules that make you a prude or weird. It’s one big yes that allows you to see your own worth and the worth of others. It’s one big yes to true freedom. 

So, back to the question at hand. Doesn’t chastity make a relationship boring? I used to think so, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth.. Without chastity, without virtue, we’re the ones that become boring, which, in turn will make the relationship boring. Think about it! Why are so many of us afraid of commitment? We’re afraid of the vulnerability that’s required to have a deeper relationship so we fall back on the physical hoping that it will provide the intimacy we’re actually seeking. But there’s nothing exciting about settling! 

Here’s where chastity comes in. When we have the courage to honestly enter into each other’s hearts by being honest and vulnerable, we’ll find a connection that mere physical intimacy could never replace. We’ll actually know the person which will make the physical aspect of the relationship all the more beautiful. 

Now you may be wondering, “Well Randall, what if we already know each other pretty well?” Great question! My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years now, and I’d say we know each other pretty well. But this doesn’t mean we can pass the time by relying merely on the physical aspect of our relationship. What this means is that we now have an opportunity to get creative with how we spend our time! I’m not saying we have to get flashy and extra all the time but our relationships will be all the more dynamic because of it.

Let’s get one thing straight. Chastity is NOT easy. Temptation will always be there but that’s no excuse for us to give up the fight. Chastity will strengthen your desire to fight for the other person. It takes a heroic love to do whatever it takes to not use someone, whether it be physically or emotionally. In this year alone, my girlfriend and I have experienced storms that really tested us. If we hadn’t practiced chastity and trained ourselves in sacrificial love, then we would have been swept away by the storm. Because of chastity, we have a stronger foundation to weather the storms that come our way. I mean, how can a relationship be interesting if it ceases to exist, you know?

Here’s how you can practice chastity in your romantic relationships:

1. Make your intentions clear! What do you desire from the relationship? 
2. Set clear boundaries (I’m looking at you, men!) Anything from making out and beyond is where we should draw the line to foster authentic love!
3. Get creative with how you spend time! Plan out dates (And always begin the date with prayer).