Are All Men Destined to be Cheaters?
On February fifteenth, Hannah and I set off to speak internationally in the beautiful and far off land of Tecate, Mexico. Okay, it wasn’t a very far off place and hardly felt international (I am quite familiar with the area of Baja California), nonetheless it was beautiful and the adventure was unforgettable! As we crossed the border into Mexico, nerves ran high because neither of us felt truly prepared for what was in store; we had no idea what to expect. Upon arriving at the school, I was provided with a sense of security and at that moment I knew it was going to be an amazing experience.
After I gave the guys my sexual integrity talk in Spanish, we came together for a session of questions and answers with the girls, but it was the question of one of the guys afterwards that almost brought me to tears. A hesitant fourteen year old young man and his four friends approached me and asked, almost in a whisper while looking around to secure that no one was listening, “Are men destined to be cheaters? Do we really cheat more than women do?” In a flash, I was transported back in time to when this question laid a heavy burden in my own life.
For me, this question of infidelity arose when I was very young because of family experience. I wondered what it was in this young man’s life that caused him to question his goodness and his ability to live a love that is full, fruitful, free, and faithful. Was it an experience in his own life? Was it the conversations of young girls in his grade who had been hurt by unfaithful guys? Was it the media’s constant portrayal of infidelity or a stereotype perpetuated by our culture? Was it the influence of pornography? Whatever it was, I had the next fifteen minutes to help this young guy understand that he was not doomed to be an unfaithful man. Thus, I was brought back to reality and began to answer his question.
“As men, we were created with the same capacity to love as a women. Yes, men and women are different in how they love, but that does not mean that men have a weaker capacity for love, much less a love that is faithful. Nice guys don’t finish last. ” A rush of relief flooded his face. Our culture has taught us men that we are not capable of a love that is real, a love that is good, a love that is fruitful, a love that is intimate, or an everlasting love. That could not be any further from the truth. When we take the time to grow in virtue and learn how to make every single one of our actions into an act of love we will be able to live out a faithful, eternal love. We were created for a love specifically like that and it is about time that we as men take a stand and fight for authentic faithful love!
