To my sister struggling with an Eating Disorder

Dear Sister,

I see you. I see the ways you keep track of your calories, skip meals, avoid fried food, sweets, breads.  

I see how you pretend not to be hungry or occupy your time to avoid/ ignore the hunger. 

I see you rush in and out of the bathroom after meals. 

I see you beat yourself up over that one chip. 

I see the tears you cry after stepping on the scale and believing the lie “just 5 more pounds.” 

I see you examining your body in the mirror and only seeing the ugly, tearing down all your imperfections. 

I see the disappointment in your eyes.

I see you believing all the lies about your beauty.

I see you trying to hide. 

I see you, because I am you. 

I remember how it felt. I remember the self loathing and hatred. I remember the pain. I remember everything. 

Please hear me now when I say this. There is hope! You do not need to live in that place anymore. 

I know these next few words will be hard to hear, but they are true: 

You are enough. You are captivating. You are beautiful. You are worthy of love. Your body is good. You can love the body you are in. 

Sister, the desire we have to be beautiful, that is a good desire, it is not disordered. Now, where we have oriented that desire, that is where the disorder comes in. 

Let me help you to order that desire, let me help you be free. 

Here are 3 ways we can begin to learn how to love who we are. 

1. Virtue: living a life of virtue brings about radical joy and happiness to our lives which can only be described as indescribable. With this particular struggle, I want to encourage the virtue of Chastity. Chastity is the virtue that helps us to love and to love authentically. It is our leans into the world. It helps us not only see others for who they are and to love them. But it gives us the lens to see ourselves and to love ourselves for who we are. 
2. Counseling. There is no shame here. You are not weak if you go to counseling. There are some battles and lies we cannot fight or undo on our own. Talking to a counselor will help to break free from those lies and will help orient us towards the truth. Catholic Psych is an amazing resource for just that. 
3. Community. Ladies, we need authentic sisterhood. Let some trusted sisters into your struggle. Ones who will walk with you in this, but who will not allow you to stay down in the mud. Let the sisters who meet you in the mud, help pick you up, and clean you off, be the ones who are welcomed into this. Allow them to help you carry your cross. This is not a battle we fight alone. We need our sisters, especially for those days when the cross is heavier to carry. 

You are not less of a woman for struggling with an eating disorder. You are not weak or fragile. You are a survivor. 

There will be rough days. This will be a battle we will fight everyday. But there is always hope; cling to it. It does get easier. I promise you come out stronger than you ever thought you could be. 

Trust me, freedom from this (disorder) is better than living in it. 

Love ,

Your sister