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Chastity? Let’s Get Real.

April  25th,  2019

We spend a lot of time speaking on the amazing, heroic, live-giving virtue of chastity, which is great. But every now and again, I think we need to take a moment to come back down to earth and remind ourselves of the messy reality of living out this incredible virtue. Allow me to be blunt:

Living out the virtue of chastity won’t instantly make life easy. Some people will judge you for living it out. The pressures and temptations of the culture won’t suddenly dissipate. And we will never be able to live it out perfectly in this life.

“But at the same time, chastity is the sure way to happiness” and “will not be a burden on you: it will be a crown of triumph.” (St. John Paul II, St. Josemaria Escriva)

How can this be so?

Well, nothing of value ever comes easily. Our culture today wants quick fixes and simple answers, but anything that comes quick and easy is simply of little worth! Ask any married couple, any long-time friends, or any families if their relationships are always smooth sailing. I can guarantee a resounding ‘No!’ from the people in any relationship with depth and meaning. Life is messy, there’s simply no getting around it.

Yet chastity is the virtue that brings meaning into the mess. Chastity is to love in the right way at the right time. And this isn’t always easy. If it is, it isn’t love. Because truth be told, sometimes love is hard. Love requires sacrifice. Love is selfless.

But it is in loving that we find life.

Finding life, finding meaning and fulfillment, isn’t in having everything we want, living a life free of obstacles and worry. It isn’t in riding the popular tide, never bumping into disagreement or judgement. It’s not even in a lack of pressures and temptations in our day to day lives.

Life is found in choosing to love despite all this. Choosing chastity nonetheless.

Yes, it will be difficult. You’ll be met with challenge. And it won’t be seen as a ‘popular’ lifestyle. But IT WILL BE WORTH IT. Because love is always worth it.

Love is what we are really craving – behind the desire to fit in, to be free of pressure or judgement from others, is the desire to love and be loved! Love is our purpose. We’re all made for it, we all deserve it, and we’re all capable of it. This love is meant to be lived out in all our relationships – family, friends, teammates, teachers, those we like, those we like like, even those who always get on our nerves.

This love isn’t just fuzzy feelings or having fun together. This love is to put someone else’s needs before your own. To will the good of another, and give of yourself. Of course, none of us are perfect, but chastity is the virtue that helps us love as authentically and fully as we are able. When we fall, God’s mercy abounds.

And when we love, when we practice chastity, we are living out our purpose! This is where happiness lies. Living as we are created to live. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, we’ll make mistakes. But we’ll be striving towards our purpose rather than grasping at the things of this world that will never truly fill us.

No one becomes a Saint because they did what was popular and never met resistance. Saints are people who chose to love radically, no matter the cost. Reality check: you are created to be a Saint, too.

Join the movement.

Live radically.Love radically. Live chastity.

Kari Hoeft
Kari Hoeft

About the Author

Kari Hoeft is a 2018 graduate of the College of St. Benedict/St. John's University with a BA in Liturgical Music and Theology. She grew up on a farm in Central Minnesota with her family of eight where she fell in love with playing piano, any and all sports, and ice cream. The invitation to live a life fully alive drew her to the Culture Project, and this is her first year as a missionary. "The Culture Project's message reached the depths of my heart and answered many of my life’s most profound questions, and I want other young men and women to experience that same awakening."


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