Real Talk: Women and Masturbation
Not too long ago I was talking to a friend and within minutes we dove into a topic which is a censored topic for a lot of women. We read about it everywhere, we are encouraged to do it because it pleases us, but nobody talks about the “heart work” behind ….yup, masturbation. Ladies, I need you to know that this is a topic for every human being that has a sexuality, including you, but I am specifically writing this for you.
Let’s continue…
She told me that for as sexually liberated as she was,
she felt empty after the act
My friend got real and raw with me that day. She, being a strong believer in sexual liberation, in destigmatizing sexual taboos, and doing what feels good, was experiencing an internal collision as she told me that for as sexually liberated as she was, she felt empty after the act. Pleasing herself gave her momentary pleasure, yet once the pleasure ended, her loneliness quickly surfaced and she was left downbeat. What became obvious was she had to take a deep look into why masturbation was her soothing mechanism. Why was she trying to numb herself? There was some heart work to be done.
If any of your are dealing with the same experience, please know you should not feel ashamed for your desires. Human sexuality is powerful and is a gift! The psychological and hormonal components of human sexual behavior can result in addictive habits if we lack the understanding of sex and its purpose. Through the integration of our sexuality we get to be co-creators and become one with our spouse. Masturbation, ladies, although it may be self-gratifying, is not fulfilling precisely because it goes against what we all desire, to be known, seen and in relationship with other human beings.
“You’re crazy! Doctors, therapists and Cosmopolitan Magazine say masturbation is healthy, feels good and we should do it!”
Ladies, you may find yourself questioning me, and perhaps thinking, “You’re crazy! Doctors, therapists and Cosmopolitan magazine say masturbation is healthy, feels good and we should do it!”. Well, I agree with you in that they certainly are telling you that. I, as a sister, am simply wanting to share the great treasure I have discovered in truly encountering my own human sexuality and not a watered- down version of it! We are meant to be gifts. In the sexual act we clearly see even through our physiology that as human persons we are designed to receive each other. Masturbation secludes the gift of your sexuality; the gift that you are!
If you are ready to break this pattern of behavior here are some helpful steps:
1.Tell a trusted friend. One who you know would will your good. One who will listen compassionately. Ask them to be a companion in your journey.
2. Reflect. Is masturbation a distraction for the heart work that needs to be done?
3. Create. Build relationships and explore activities that are fulfilling and satisfying.
Ladies, I am walking this journey alongside you. You aren’t alone! It may take time for the heart work to bear fruit and so you can clearly understand what is truly missing; there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Be patient with yourself! Most importantly, believe in yourself!
