I came across an eHarmony ad that just disturbed me. Watch it here!
The title of the ad is “The Glance.” The man has his earphones in at a coffee shop and catches a glance from a pretty lady sitting across from him. He musters up courageous boldness and goes for it, introduces himself and spends a day of fun and spontaneity with the woman in the coffee shop.
But, then we find out, it was all a fantasy. No he didn’t go talk to her, he just envisioned the possibilities of what would happen if he did. The ad ends with saying to the viewer, “Can’t get past the first glance? eHarmony can help.”
You then see the guy viewing her eHarmony profile, and sending her a message through his phone, while she is presumably beside him at the coffee shop.
Simple question for the ladies: would you rather the man who was bold enough to come up and talk to you or the man who stayed in his seat and messaged you on his phone.
Question for the guys: Which man do you think the women answered, and more importantly, which man do you actually want to be? With or without any romantic intentions, you desire to be brave. Bravery doesn’t involve calculation, based on your own subjective gauge where you act only when it fits your own needs. No, you want to be the man who jumps into the burning building to see what needs to be done once you’re in the fire.
As men, it can definitely be challenging to muster up the courage to even speak to a woman we’re attracted to, let alone ask her out and pursue her. It’s easy to play out in our minds what will happen, good or bad, and let that be the reality we act out of. The beauty of a woman can do some powerful things to a man. The flick of a woman’s hair, the softness of her voice, the gracefulness of her walk, and her overall charm can literally make men weak; and men don’t like to feel weak. This all accounts for so many awkward conversations and moments that make this whole thing we call dating, so tricky. As men, we are called to act!
In the pursuit of a woman, some men act, but unfortunately at the expense of the woman. There are men who are bold in their quest for women, but act out of lust, not for the sake of the good of the woman, but to fulfill their own selfishness. In a certain way, that boldness those men have is attractive, like it or not.
Masculinity and boldness can be the cause of so many broken hearts and unsatiated desires. However, that same boldness and riskiness it takes for a man to pursue a woman for the sake of his lust can be ordered correctly. He can boldly pursue her for her own good, not from a place of selfishness, where he seeks to conquer her as a prize, but from a desire to become a gift to her.
In a very real way, it is her beauty that is the source of his own courage. He’s just giving that gift back to her.
Men forget, but what attracts a man to a woman isn’t necessarily the same as what attracts a woman to a man. There is something in the pursuit that can attract a woman, that you have pursued her, out from amongst the crowd, with resolute boldness and directness, that you have taken on all the weight and anxiety of rejection, so that she doesn’t have to experience that vulnerability. When you are bold in that way, with sincere intentions, you are saying, “I would rather face the prospect of rejection and even humiliation than the prospect of never pursuing you.”
Give that woman the gift of your courage. Choose to be valiant. If you are looking for fulfillment as a man, there is no other way than to be dauntless.